Some of you may have seen this story posted around the internet in the last couple of days:
Arkansas Woman Killed Husband Over Porn, Then Called Police on Herself
I found it on my Facebook feed and, I must say, some of the comments were amazing. I assume that many of the responders were, at minimum, religious in some manner, if not Christians then at least “conservatives” (who often identify as Christian), as many of the comments called out this mans “sin” of purchasing pornography, right along with claiming that they “might have done the same” as his wife! Now, let me go on record as being someone who thinks viewing porn is not on the same level as murder. Even if you believe “sin is sin and there are no sins worse than others” you’d have to stretch pretty far to justify this woman killing her husband over this.
I’ve been pretty clear on this blog that I don’t find pornography to be sinful in and of itself. It CAN be sinful in the same way that getting drunk is not sinful but being a drunkard is. If it becomes all you desire and its where you spend all of your time and effort then it has become sin. Some people like to call it the sin of lust, but simply enjoying some adult material does not meet the definition of lust any more than enjoying a drink every now and then does. If lust were merely the concept of enjoying something then women would be (and likely are anyway) the biggest purveyors of lust on the planet (I have a post I am working on regarding this as well).
As it is, however, due to women’s tender sensitivities and the white knights at the pulpits men are instead saddled with being told their most crippling and common sin is that of lust, while women’s most common sin is “not being self-confident enough”. Therefore this man committed the greater sin by offending his wife, and her sin is quite justified. It’s another case of in-group bias for the ladies who will shield this woman from her wrongdoing so that they can feel justified if they need to do the same later.
Anyhow, as I stated before, I don’t see pornography as being the huge issue most Christians make it out to be and fighting against it with regard to non-Christians is pointless, really. That doesn’t mean, however, that it isn’t a problem within the realm of Christianity. The increase of Christian boys and men using pornography to the point of becoming “addicted” to it most certainly is problematic and every Christian father with a son should be aware of it and do what they can to educate their sons on what pornography is and why it can be a trap. Now, I don’t think any young boys should be viewing pornography regardless of whether it’s sin or not. There’s a level of maturity required for certain activities and I dont think kids should be viewing adult material any more than I think they should be doing shots or smoking cigars, but it is important to educate them because, lets face it, if your kids have friends with computers/cellphones with internet access they have likely been exposed to some form of adult material.
This, however, only explains part of the issue. The second thing Christians can do to combat the rising use of porn amongst Christian men is to stop insisting that young Christian women put off marriage until their late 20’s/early 30’s and instead go back to promoting marriage at a young age, preferably late teens/early 20s. I’ve said before that while Christians rant about porn and call it The New Drug they make themselves one of the prime pushers of this drug and ally themselves with feminists by prolonging Christians men’s access to sex by pushing the idea that young women shouldn’t be wasting their prime years on raising a family, but instead should be going into ministry, going on missions trips and seeking after educational degrees. In the meantime young Christian men are forced to find some way to deal with their increasingly stronger sex drives. Instead of following the biblical commandment by Paul to “take a wife rather than burn with desire” they find no Christian women available willing to become wives until their go through some laundry list of achievements first, with their final list item achieved somewhere around the age of 28. If a boys sex drive develops at 15 and he cant find a girl willing to marry until age 28 you’re looking at some 13 years of “burning with desire” until the biblical forum for sex can be achieved, ie: Marriage. In the meantime the poor guy has learned that the can get some form of release from watching adult material, which is free and readily available online. It may not have started as a problem for him, but after 13 years of use he will find it hard to give up! Add to that the demonization of the stuff and that, when his 30 year old “new bride” finds out he was using it, or is still using it, she will hit the roof, threaten divorce and call him an adulterer, which he is not. She will have the full support of the church, her family and friends in raking her husband over the coals. In the meantime she may or may not have had several sexual partners over the years while she was fulfilling her list, but as we have recently learned, those mean nothing, and should be forgotten by everyone. God has forgiven her, so everyone else should too.
If you want to combat the rise of adult content use amongst Christians then these are good first steps, but they are by no means the easiest. That honor goes wives and to the second point of my post….
Christian wife visiting with her friends for lunch: “I really wanted to do x, y and z to the kitchen, but I had no idea how so I just jumped on YouTube and spent the afternoon watching a few videos and then it was easy!”
Same wife twenty minutes later: “My husband and I have such a boring sex life. I have no idea what he even wants in bed anymore.”
Hrm, I wonder where she could go to find out what men like in the bedroom??
I heard or story once, or read it maybe, about a woman who hired a lawyer to oversee her divorce.
“What’s the first step?”, she asked. “I really want to stick it to him! I want him to feel the pain and take him for everything he’s got!”
“Well,” the lawyer replied, “You’re not going to like it, but if you really, really want to make him suffer, if you REALLY want him to feel the pain then I want you to go home right now and have the craziest sex you have ever had with him. Then I want you to make sure that you do the same thing every day for the next month! That way when you finally hit him with the divorce papers he will know exactly what he’s missing. He will be crushed! Destroyed! You will never see a more broken man!”
Though she really didn’t like the idea, her desire to cause her soon-to-be-ex to suffer was strong, and she went straight home and did exactly what she was told, and made sure to have the same crazy, mind-shattering sex with her husband every day.
Two weeks later she visited her lawyer again.
“What can I do for you?” he asked.
“Well,” she said, “I…um…I want to thank you for your time and effort, but, well, I have changed my mind. I dont want to go through with the divorce.”
“What?” the lawyer exclaimed. “Lady, two weeks ago you wanted to grind this man into dust, and now you want to stay married to him? Why? What happened?”
“I don’t know,” she said, her cheeks slightly blushing, “I just, love him. I dont know what happened, but the past two weeks have been the best days I can remember since we first got married. I honestly dont know why I was angry with him to begin with, so, thanks, but no thanks.”
Smiling, the lawyer answered, “No problem, and God bless.”
I think a lot of marital problems could be resolved if women would take as much interest in learning how to have sex as they do other things. Oh sure, they know how to have sex, but I mean how to HAVE sex. Rather than discounting adult material as some horrific, sinful and disgusting thing why not take some time to learn how to satisfy your man from it? I’ve said before, and I think the majority of men would agree with me, that the draw of pornography isn’t just the raw sex and the beautiful women, its the ATTITUDE of the women. They are eager for sex! They aren’t just laying there, legs spread, “here I am, do your thing”. No! They are INVOLVED, ACTIVELY! They seem (*gasp*) happy! Not just happy, but ENTHUSIASTIC! They don’t breathe a sigh of frustration when asked to give oral sex, no! They don’t even wait to be asked – they ASK IF THEY CAN GIVE IT, THEN SMILE AND ENJOY THE ACTIVITY! They dont ask for the lights to be turned off so their bodies can’t be viewed, they dance and skip and prance around allowing themselves to be enjoyed! They don’t talk about dirty laundry, kids noses or technical schematics in the bedroom, they act like clueless little bimbo’s who dont want to think about anything more than satisfying their man.
I know, it sounds like a lot of work, but its not. Its a simple as changing your mindset. It doesn’t even have to be done every day! The majority of men would be happy to see this kind of behavior from their wives once, maybe twice a week!
I know, a lot of women would say “well why do I have to be the one to change in the bedroom? How come HE doesn’t have to change?” Well, if you want to see your husband change, change yourself first. You can’t change your husband, you can only change YOU, but your husband can, and likely will, respond to that change whether he wants to or not. He may do it consciously or maybe he will, but dollars to donuts he will change SOMEHOW.
Adult material can serve a purpose. Dont believe me? Why then would God include what is one of the most famous erotic books in the world in His word? Its not kid stuff either:
Song of Solomon 4:
16 Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
Gardens are fertile areas, where exactly is the fertile area on a woman that a man would “eat his pleasant fruits”?
I have read on many occasion, with regards to SoS, that young men were not allowed to read the book until they became of age because it was considered too erotic:
Song of Solomon 2:
3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
Song of Solomon 6:
Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee.
2 My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
Look, I know I talk about sex and pornography quite a bit. The reason why is that Christian men are saddled with being told that intentionally viewing pornography can be grounds for divorce FOR ADULTERY! They are made to feel that even looking at another woman, even fully clothed, in public, is LUST AND SINFUL! This has no biblical weight! That’s not how lust works at all! I, myself, was made to feel guilty for finding another woman sexually attractive to the point that I was constantly looking to the ground to avoid being “tempted”! I didn’t know that I was not in sin, but I sure felt like I was because I had been taught that I was. The teaching wasn’t biblical, though!
DAVID LUSTED AFTER BATHSHEEBA AND DID WHATEVER IT TOOK TO HAVE WHAT WAS NOT HIS. HE INTENTED, IN HIS HEART, TO HAVE HER REGARDLESS OF HER BEING A MARRIED WOMAN! HIS DESIRE WAS SINFUL BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT HIS FOR THE TAKING AND HE SET HIS HEART ON OBTAINING HER!
JACOB SAW RACHEL WAS PLEASING TO THE EYE AND BEAUTIFUL AND WORKED SEVEN YEARS (AND THEN SOME) TO HAVE HER, YET HE DID NOT LUST AND WAS NOT IN SIN! EVEN AFTER HE HAD BECOME MARRIED TO HER SISTER HE STILL WANTED HER AND IT WAS NOT LUST!
Any Christian man who feels bad about viewing pornography should definitely search his own heart and:
1) Ensure that it is not become the focus of all of his time and effort so that important things are being put aside for it.
2) Ensure that his conscience is clear about it. If its not then, yes, you are in sin if you continue to use pornography, but understanding what lust is and how it applies to far more things than porn can help set your mind at ease, in which case you can change your mind. This is not a sinful thing to do! At one time I also ascribed to the belief that Christians were not allowed to drink alcohol, and that doing so was a sin, but I was wrong! After reading through the word and understanding what was said I changed my thinking to be in line with scripture. I enjoy drinking alcoholic beverages on occasion, I even enjoy getting drunk with my wife, but I avoid doing so in public and I dont do it all the time so that it causes me issues in my every day life.
Wives, understand that men like pornography because they like sex, they like variety, they like enthusiasm and fun in the bedroom. Now, its not to say that anyone NEEDS it to have a great sex life, but if you think your sex life is on the lull and want to find out how to spice it up it can be a great learning tool. Like the lady in my initial example, when someone wants to learn how to build a picture frame from an old pallet or how to make a cheesecake from scratch they will happily go online for instruction and information, but when they can’t figure out why their sex life seems boring they just leave it in the dumpster and hope it will get better when all it will do is fester and get worse. Chances are your husband wants to do all kinds of weird, kinky and fun things to your body, but maybe he doesn’t feel you’d appreciate it or enjoy it. Maybe he thinks your a bit of a prude because you act like one! This causes him to hold back! Learn something! Watch how these porn stars act, how they let the man they are with know they CRAVE him, not tolerate him.
Christians need to keep anything from overwhelming them, but they also need to understand that the dictates of a few people have created an environment in the church that treats sex like a necessary evil and not the gift God intended it to be. They also need to get off their high horses since many, MANY Christians watch TV shows and movies with plenty of sex, violence, adultery and foulness in them and have no problem with it. Why should they, its fiction and, like pornography or alcohol, its fine to enjoy but can be problematic if it becomes your whole focus!
The woman in this news story killed her husband and “Christians” rant and rave about it, encouraging it, justifying it! What caused this man to order these items she killed him over? Was she providing him with sex or was she denying him and for how long? Was this his only means of release? For men going without sex can sometimes be like going without air – not getting enough can be painful, and not getting any at all can feel like dying. Either way, his life is over and his wife has ZERO JUSTIFICATION FOR HER ACTIONS. ZERO!
Unfortunately the concept of porn being amongst the most heinous of crimes is so firmly entrenched in modern theology I doubt anyone would take any interest in my ranting, or take anything I have to say seriously. But understand this: I don’t hold Facebook to be reliable for much of anything, but the display I saw today in the comments of this story by those who justify one sin for what they mistakenly construe to be another, is gross and frightening. It looks like some people need to check their eyes for boards.
(To be clear, there were some people on the post, more than I had thought, who were of the same mind that the guy didn’t deserve to die, at least. Many of them still mentioned how horrible porn was and how it was the same as actually having an affair or, at minimum, made wives feel the exact same way as actually having an affair would have made them feel.)
Relevant posts: Get Mandy-cized, Someone’s Going to do it…Even if You Won’t., Embracing the “Adult Film Star” Mindset. (semi-NSFW)
Snapper's Domain 
I wish I could say “Unbelievable!”, but it is. I agree, Snapper. Porn is like any other consumable; it must be taken in moderation.
Now, this comment is absolutely insane!
“Put her in the category of the woman who set her husband on fire when she caught him raping their 7 yo daughter. You go girl! Men really need to grow up and think with the big head.”
Are you Nucking Futs?!? Comparing porn with raping a 7 yo girl?!?
Yes, men. You need to grow up… Or DIE!
That was my thought, too. It just goes to prove the point that so many other Christian manosphere blogs point out: The greatest sin a man can commit is to offend women. At least by todays modern church standards. Or even by liberal/conservative standards. Ridiculous.
My brother in law said to his wife today something to the effect that soon she will have him trained up well and he’ll be his good little servant.
I’m concerned about their marriage!
Woah, what? Wow, that’s pretty bad, and not even from a Christian standpoint but just from a “being a man” standpoint. How did she react to that? Did he say it as a joke or was he serious? Does she treat him like she’s training him for that role? Freaky, man.
Yes it’s concerning as he was being serious. She didn’t say anything to it. I expect he thinks being a manly man is toxic and bad and we need to be more like women. Judging from the time I went out with him and his groomsmen he surrounds himself with typical male feminist types. (I say typical because it’s what a lot of men in my age group are like).
Lots of ‘I’m so lucky to have her’ doing the wedding speech as well. I’ve got no idea why men say this, it comes across as being so weak and puts her on a pedestal and puts a BIG weight on her shoulders. Surely it’s better to communicate how much you love her by your actions and simply saying something like ‘you’re so pretty, I love it when you do/say that etc’ rather than abasing yourself in front of 100+ people.
My sister has repeatedly expressed concern at how much of a sexist misogynist I am (although this has lessened recently as I’ve gotten in much better shape and become more attractive, interesting huh) and is very much into female empowerment. It could be that she sought out a weak guy she can dominate because she thinks that will make her happy.
Sounds about right. I think a lot of women are under the impression that men are made strictly to serve them, and the one’s that don’t are “assholes”, but they are also the ones they end up being the most attracted to in the end. I’m sure you’ve seen it as I have: Women complaining about their jerk boyfriends who flirt with other girls, make them open their own doors and pull out their own chairs, etc. But for some odd reason these ladies can never seem to get up the guts to leave them! Fear? Obsession? Desire? Yes, yes and yes. Weak men, however, are seen as fodder, to be used until they aren’t needed anymore. I’ve heard it said before, “Well if this first marriage doesn’t work out….” There’s no intention of sticking around if something better comes along.
Hypergamy, its an ugly, ugly thing.
I have less patience with so called christian men. Haven’t they read about Adam and Eve?
They have, but its been filtered so that Eve is the victim.
https://snappertrx.wordpress.com/2016/05/06/the-best-lies-are-the-ones-you-want-to-hear/
Why would you listen to some pastor dudebro when you can simply read the Bible ITSELF and ask God to help you to understand and use your own brain!
Because a lot of Christians want to browse through their bible and have their pastor tell them what it all means. I know, I was like that for most of my life. It wasn’t until I read the bible from front to back that some things started to click for me and I started asking questions and seeking answers. Either the pastor tells them what everything means or they get it from a book alongside the bible, which typically just delivers the word in snippets. This is the “milk”, a lot of Christians aren’t interested in the “meat”.
Youre a complete liar. Beauty and nidity is not porn. Many of these girls in porn have been trafficked and are on drugs. But hey keep spanking your meat to sex abuse victims.
I don’t recall ever saying beauty and nudity were porn, simple that pornography isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I also made it a point in one of my posts on the subject that I recognize some of these girls (Many? Proof?) are trafficked and get drawn into the world of drugs and other elicit activity. If that is your litmus test for not participating in something then its time to stop watching TV and movies, because they are embroiled in the exact same vices. Again, what I have offered is a fairly well detailed explanation for my understanding and you have offered four sentences, none of which provide anything of use. Thanks, but no thanks.
Have you torn the Song of Solomon from your bible yet?
I think the best question here would be Is God okay with you “uncovering the nakedness” of promiscuous and godless women for your own pleasure…I believe there are laws on that(something the Canaanites did or something like that).
Another question would be Is looking at people’s nakedness a moral thing to do as a follower of God? Would god be happy with u doing it? would u, as a follower of god, then be willing to go to strip clubs since they are “not as bad as people think” as long as they are “used in moderation”?
Reblogged this on Free Matt Podcasts and commented:
***Re-blog from Snapper. This was an interesting article that was fitting for a Sunday. I have always had an issue with many arguments against porn that have been presented by the “Churchian” types. I think that they were based on a feminist slant and not anything religious/scientific. Please enjoy the article and digest the information for yourself.***
Excellent points. The crusade against pornography overlooks the fact that women make a fortune from it by exploiting men! It targets men. Shaming them for looking at it — when so many of them can’t find wives and do not have sex — really is just blaming the victims.
I’d advise men to avoid pornography if possible, but as you say, it is not the serious sin that today’s churches make it out to be. Moreover, many of the women who screech at their husbands when they find them using pornography have caused the issue themselves by refusing to have sex with their husbands — when do you ever hear pastors taking women to task over this, even though it is a practice which Scripture warns against?
And it is good to see someone make the important point that simply experiencing lustful desires isn’t “adultery in the heart” — the latter is another term for coveting your neighbour’s wife (as David did).
“It looks like some people need to check their eyes for boards.”
The women gloating over the murder of that man are simply not Christians (regardless of what they might claim to be). Incredible how socially acceptable it is for women to hate men, and put their hatred on public display… Imagine the response if men cheered a man who’d killed his wife for viewing porn?! Women always complain loudly about double standards, but really this is largely projection on their part. It is they who hold men to a far higher standard than they hold themselves (and few hold their behaviour to any standards, these days).
“Because a lot of Christians want to browse through their bible and have their pastor tell them what it all means. I know, I was like that for most of my life. It wasn’t until I read the bible from front to back that some things started to click for me and I started asking questions and seeking answers.”
Same here.
For years I just swallowed the mush served up to me in church, before at last God took hold of me and shook my life up, causing me actually to read Scripture for myself.
And only after I’d read the Bible from cover to cover did God finally begin to show me just how deep the rabbit-hole goes…