A long time ago I wrote a post warning wives that they could very well burn up their husbands affection for them. It’s not difficult to do, it just requires you to have an inflated sense of self, arrogance and disrespect. Here is a list of ten things you can do to ensure you kill off your husbands affection for you. Use the list to either STOP YOURSELF from doing these things if you care about your marriage, family and husband or, if your really interested in destroying your marriage you can amp these up by a few notches and watch as your husband becomes distant, frustrated and confused as to why the woman he once loved and cherished has turned into a demon from the pits of hell.

1. Cheat on him

Yes, lets not save the most obvious for last. Cheating on your husband is a sure fire way to kill his affection for you, in most cases. If he is a blue pilled beta it might turn him into a spineless slug, attempting to move heaven and earth to get you back, in which case he will actually destroy your respect for him, but that’s for another post. If, for some reason, he decides to keep you around or you can prevent yourself from running of with your adulterous paramour ice the cake by making sure he knows that, even though you know you did wrong, he is not allowed to treat you like you did something wrong. Rub salt in the wound by acting like HE owes YOU something in the relationship, even though YOU were the one who did the actual cheating. As the years roll by your arrogant attitude and disrespectful demeanor will slowly chip away at the very last bits of affection he was able to salvage toward you. Oh, and make sure to always make him aware that it could happen again, if he doesn’t treat you the way you feel you should be treated! If he lets up on that affection, well, you found affection elsewhere once, you could do it again!

(Another sure fire way to reduce affection is to remind him, every chance you get, that you are “trying really hard to make this relationship work”, as though the act of staying married to the idiot after you cheated on him is a burden! After all, HE pushed you to it, didn’t he!)

2. Treat him like your his mother

Though most men appreciate their wives having some of the better qualities of their own mothers (which is something he likely saw in you and made you wife material in his mind) few men actually want to be married to their mothers, as this is both gross and creepy. Constantly mothering him by harping on him about his decisions, asking him motherly questions like “Why would you do that?” is a sure fire way to get on his nerves and slowly strangle his affection for you. Your mileage may vary, as some men like a bit more motherliness than others, but this is typically a motherly attitude of care, not hovering. Think “June Cleaver” and less “Mrs. Lift” (of “Throw Momma from the Train” fame).

3. Put yourself above reproach

Remember to point out all the mistakes past, present and future, your husband has made, but to really grind down on the last of his affections put yourself above such criticism. If your husband points out that you have a bad attitude or that you are crossing a boundary a good hearty “Did you just tell me to X?” followed by an arrogant and bitchy attitude is like a mortar and pestle. How dare he call you out on your snide remarks or foul mood, who does he think he is? You are PRICELESS and he is certainly blessed to have you! He is not your father, or your boss! How dare he do anything more than kiss your feet or hand you money!

4. Have an arrogant attitude

After all, your better than him. Your faster, smarter, stronger and a hell of a lot closer to God than he is. You know because society and your church told you so! You go to at least three bible study groups a week and church twice on Sunday, while your husband scrapes by with only ONE church service on Sunday. Why, if he really cared about God he would stop working 12 hour days and just tell his boss that he simply CANNOT work that much! Since you attend more church there’s obviously nothing your husband could possibly teach you about the bible. Heck, he reads ONLY THE BIBLE, while you have shelves of supplemental books, bible studies, study guides and books written by powerful women LEADERS of the Christian movement! These pillars of the faith are FAR, FAR more qualified than that guy. Also, make sure that when he does say anything about scripture you punch home the point that he is just wrong because his views don’t line up with Patricia Shearer or Beth Moore!

5. Hate the things he loves and never participate in them.

Does your husband love playing video games? Maybe he has a thing for classic cars, or stamp collecting! No matter what it is, make sure to remind him that it is a colossal waste of time and that its something YOU don’t like. If he invites you to participate in the activity, oh, I don’t know, because he loves you and wants to spend some time with you, curtly remind him that “his thing isn’t your thing”. Rejection isn’t just for dating! To really burn through that affection make sure you let him know about the things you love to do and invite him to join you in such a way that a rejection from him will leave him feeling guilt ridden. That way he will participate even if he hates the activity because you have forced him to.

6. Avoid becoming an object of his desire

Does your husband want you to dye your hair a certain color? Does he have a thing for dresses this month? Or maybe he likes you in the color orange? Pfffbt! What does he know! Your not dressing for his enjoyment, right? Why would you want to make yourself up for him? He should just feel turned on and happy no matter how you dress, regardless of what he likes or dislikes, I mean, your his wife! He HAS to find you attractive! Besides, he probably only wants you to wear orange because he saw it while looking at some younger tramp on the street, so best that you help him avoid that lustful sin! Also, make sure to hide your naked body from him as much as you can. If you have to have your clothes off, make sure you turn the lights out or, if he does catch you naked, make plenty of disparaging remarks, reminding him that YOU hate your body and thus HE should hate it too! Remind him that he is a moron who couldn’t even pick a sexy wife and that he couldn’t possibly enjoy your body! Oh! But don’t forget to dress as sexy and as cute as you can when heading out with girlfriends, going to the gym or just generally being around other people because your goal is only to avoid becoming an object of YOUR HUSBANDS desire. You still need to make yourself look as sexy as possible for the people around you! You love the catcalls, and make sure to let your husband know every time you get some attention from other men!

7. Tell him your grateful for all he does, then do things that show you aren’t

Has your husband just put a lot of time and effort into something for you? Maybe remodeling your kitchen, or helping you recover from a traumatic event? Tell him you love him and you are grateful for all he does, then sour your attitude and treat him like he does nothing for you. Make him remember that all his hard work means nothing in the grand scheme of things, and that all his effort and sacrifice doesn’t mean your going to be any more respectful or obedient to him, it just means your going to toss him a bone every so often so he will feel respected enough to do more. Remind him that you hate the house you asked him to buy. Remind him that others have more and better things than what he provides. Make DOUBLY sure on holidays to remind him that so-and-so got taken to dinner somewhere nicer than where he took you, or so-and-so got to go to HAWAII on her anniversary, but you have just given up because every time you get your hopes up for something big and spectacular you get let down.

8. Show more respect to people you don’t know than you do to him

You wouldn’t dare be disrespectful toward your boss, after all, he pays you for work, and you wouldn’t want to bite the hand that feeds you. Your doctor? No way, he takes care of your body, AND he’s a doctor, he gets mad respect! The guy behind the counter at the Subway? Well, he hasn’t done anything to deserve disrespect AND your a Christian, so you treat him with respect unless he acts up, then all bets are off. Your husband, though. Oh, the poor sod! Doesn’t he know that you have a right to be disrespectful toward him merely by being his wife! After all, even though he invited you to share his life with him YOU graced his world by accepting his offer of marriage and, therefore, you automatically get the right to point out all his character flaws, foibles and annoyances. Not only that, but that whole “love, honor and obey” thing was just traditional talk, you only have to “honor” him when he has met your ever changing requirement of dates, dinners, gifts and supplication! I mean, sure Sarah called Abraham “lord” and the bible encourages Christian women to emulate her, but, c’mon, that was a LOOOOOONG time ago and there is no way, NO WAY you would ever call your husband “lord” or “sir”. I mean you respect him (after the requirements, of course), but you don’t respect him THAT much! He only provides you with food, clothing, shelter, a cellphone, a car (or two), vacations, a laptop computer, three dogs, two fish, automotive and home repair, credit cards, movies, jewelry: Nothing you couldn’t provide for yourself if he wasn’t there, right? In fact, you should probably remind him of that later. If he ever brings up your lack of disrespect make sure to chide him and tell him that his request for “more respect” makes him look like a child and a little bitch and that you don’t have time to worry about his feeeeewings! This, however, does not diminish his requirement to show YOU the respect YOU deserve, which you make sure he knows YOU deserve every time he does something you deem “disrespectful”! It’s also a good idea to remind him that your respect must be EARNED by his actions (despite the bible stating that he is OWED that respect) and that he must respect you freely, regardless of your actions, attitude or words (despite the bible saying nothing about respecting wives).

9. Disregard his instructions

Sometimes your husband might want you to perform a task to his specifications for reasons known or unknown. Maybe he just wants you to toss out some of the overwhelmingly large number of cups in the cupboard, or maybe he wants towels stored in the bottom cupboard instead of the top. What does he know! Since you are the one who stays at home 99% of the time you have the authority to completely disregard his instructions since he is a moron and doesn’t know any better. Sure he told you to go pay the car payment first thing in the morning, but your girlfriends called and invited you to breakfast, and there’s no way your going to miss that! The payment can wait a couple of hours while you hang out! Besides, who does he think you are, his slave? He cant just come into his own house and demand the couch be over here and the TV over there. He only BOUGHT those things, but you control them because, hey, the man is master of his man-cave, but you are master of his house, since your the one who cleans it! I mean, c’mon, the guy is at work 12 hours a day, what does he know about how the house should be run and maintained! I mean, you COULD make suggestions to him instead of just disregarding his instructions or outright fighting with him over how right you are and how wrong he is, but that would mean you would have to recognize his authority and s….sub….sub….submit! No way! Your a daughter of the king! Your PRICELESS and he needs to remember that! He may be the head of the marriage, but as his wife you have the god given authority to cut that head off whenever he doesn’t make you feel comfortable and ESPECIALLY when he tries to assert any kind of authority over you! He is not Jesus and, until he is, you will not be BLINDLY following him like some kind of doormat woman without a brain in her head!

10. Ignore him

Some day your husband might ask you something like: “Hey, I see your friend Suzy is always posting nice things about her husband, Fred. How come you never post anything like that about me?” If this ever happens make sure you remind him that Fred buys his wife nice things, takes her all over and basically treats her like a queen, which HE does not do. If you head out of town for a busy trip don’t use your free time contacting the schlub, instead spend it posting to Facebook and chatting with friends, then, later, complain to your husband about how he never contacted you, even though he knew you had a busy schedule and left it to you to let him know when you were available! When home, make sure your first contact with him during the day is to text him something like: “Hey I need 20$” or “The kitchen sink needs fixing.”, and make sure it is late in the day, like, a couple of hours after you have gotten up, so he KNOWS you could have contacted him earlier and said something nice like “hi” or “I love you” or sent sexy nudes, but honestly he didn’t even cross your mind until 11am.

Well, that’s it. Though not an exhaustive list, as that could go on for pages and pages, these are ten easy ways to make sure your husbands affection for you gets crushed under the heel of disrespect, disregard and disobedience. Keep on doing these things and by the time you reach 60 your husband will look at you, not with the gleam of love in his eye, but with the cloudiness of despair, saddened by the fact that the young, vibrant woman he once loved left years ago and was replaced with a dour, wreck of a woman. He will struggle, with every gaze, to see even a glimpse of that once beautiful girl, but he cannot. She is gone forever.

I cannot personally vouch for everything on this list, but I can vouch for some. Others have come from my experiences talking with other men. How many can you check off?