Recently I have been having some hefty issues with my wife. We are experiencing a somewhat difficult and hectic time in our lives in that my daughter and her husband have moved into our home temporarily so as to deal with things regarding his immigration status, and my in-law have moved in as well, albeit temporarily. That puts seven people and four dogs in a four bedroom, two-story home, and yes, its crowded.
An emergency over the New Year holiday put us in the situation of adding another person to the home, but only on a temporary basis. Though my wife seemed keen on the setup at the time she quickly, and unexpectedly, changed her tune and was determined to get the extra person out of the house ASAP.
Now, the emergency came up ON New Years eve, and I offered for this person to stay in our home for two weeks. With it being the week of a holiday I figured two weeks from the weekend, since nobody really cares to do anything during the week of a holiday as big as New Year, considering people still have family visiting and are getting full of food and alcohol. My wife, however, was not going to have any of that.
(If you listened to the last podcast you probably already know this story, so please bear with.)
We talked to this person on a Tuesday and my wife wanted them out two weeks from that day. I, however, didn’t have that in mind when we spoke to this person, though I didn’t make that plainly clear to everyone, but I informed her that I would expect this person to leave our home by the second weekend, NOT by the second Tuesday. This did not make her happy at all.
So, for the past week she has given me the cold shoulder. No talking beyond some curt questions. Very rude in her actions. Ditching out with her parents every day. This has reminded me about a previous post I made on the blog about wives ruining a very kind gift from God. Namely, “wife goggles”.
I’m sure you’re familar with the term, but if not: “Wife Goggles” are a term used to describe a mans view of his wife when she is, technically, past her prime as far as looks go. She might notice her graying hair, her sagging skin, her crows feet and wrinkles, but to her husband she looks a good as the day they met. Why? Because his “wife goggles” see more than just her aging body. When he looks at her he sees her body as it used to be. He sees years of memories of sexy romps in bed, in the kitchen, on the beach, on top of the refrigerator. He sees memories of sexy, low cut tops, lingerie, lace and tight jeans.
HOWEVER, this only works well when it is accompanied by a feminine spirit and attitude. A woman who is bitchy, whiney, mean and rude damages her husbands wife goggles, so that, given enough damage, they don’t work anymore. This mans memories are filled with anguish, struggle, fighting and pain. When he looks at his wife, no matter how well she might have kept herself, he can see only an object of frustration. Someone who has not made his life easier but has instead made it more difficult. Even christian men can be affected by this, and though they may love their wives, their wife goggles are too damaged, and they find it difficult to like her.
(10 Ways to Destroy your Husbands Affection)
I don’t feel very many women are made aware of this phenomena anymore. Women are told they don’t need men, mens approval or mens provision, so they don’t take into consideration the fact that they need to maintain these wife goggles. I mean, who needs to worry about what your husband thinks of you when you’re 45 years old when you can just get on the internet and find thirsty dudes willing to hook up with an older lady? You can get your attention fix elsewhere and society, and the church, won’t discourage you. They may, in fact, even encourage you. After all, nothing is more godly than making sure a woman is happy, right? And if a man doesn’t see his wife as the perfect angel God made her, well then he might need to reevaluate his walk with the lord!
Ladies, do yourself a favor. If you’re a young wife do everything you can to maintain your husbands “wife goggles”. They will serve both you and him when you are older. Make sure his memories of you include all kinds of good things. Yes, yes, theres always going to be some bad mixed in there, but make sure the bad stuff doesn’t originate from you, and that its something you both tackle together to overcome. Don’t make yourself the source of strife and frustration.
Christian women, you are called to submission and respect for your husband. The modern church of the West may not teach you as much, but the bible commands it of you. The modern church has turned the teachings of God for women over on their head and teach men to submit to their wives, while teaching wives they are holier and “closer to God” than their husbands. Whether or not you are one or the other or both, you are called to be under the authority of your husband, and will have to give account when you stand before God.
Do not be fooled. See Dalrock’s blog for plenty of examples of this warped teaching in action, and by people considered high in the echelon of christian society. Big name teachers, preachers and book writers.
The only book you need to concern yourself with is the Bible.
The only teacher you need to concern yourself with is the Bible.
Bad situations in the past have left me in a tough situation with my wife, and things like this make it difficult for me to keep my wife goggles intact, and she has no clue that when she does things like this, which happens quite often, all she does is make it more difficult for me to like her. I do love her, but her actions make me want to spend time away from her doing something constructive, not fighting over who gets to be right. As a christian woman she should know better, but I wonder if any other christian woman has ever even taught her this. It doesn’t seem to be so.
Save yourself and your husband future trouble. It will be worth it.
Snapper's Domain 
Stories from married couples terrify me. I hope you manage to resolve things soon.
Every married couple has troubled times, but in our modern era men have zero ability to utilize their god given authority over their wives and daughters. Women are told they can do no wrong and, like most people, man OR woman, when you remove all form of limits then there is no limit that will not be crossed. My story is probably pretty low key compared to others, but I can only hope to warn men and women against what I experience, and caution christians to adhere to the word of God. We will all suffer in this life, but to suffer in the next one would be devastating. Christians should know better.
Snapper, if it’s of any consolation: Some posts on your blog have helped/ encouraged me, the post about the wife goggles included + Mandy of course. I am happy to read this kind of advice that comes from a man’s perspective and is authentic and not just written to sell well like those empty “Just be yourself” or “Go girl!”-slogans. I wish more women were receiptive for advice like yours (or my grandma’s: “Be a gift for him, be useful”), we would have a lot less women in their late 20s who can’t figure out why men never commit to them in the long run.
Thanks! That’s very encouraging!
Hmmmmm….maybe she feels like when you said 2 weeks, you meant two weeks which obviously you didn’t. Maybe she feels like you’ve put your “houseguest” and their needs above hers. Maybe she’s sick of having a house full of people. Maybe she’s looking at you through her “husband googles” and you just ain’t looking so hot.
Could be, but maybe as a Christian wife she’s supposed to be obedient and submit like the Bible says. But we all know that doesn’t jive with modern Christians, who love to hear the words of the Bible but pinch their nose when it comes to living them. If you’re not a Christian then it doesn’t matter to you, but those who claim to be such should live according to the tenants of the book they hold as the word of God. Perhaps you are not a Christian and that doesn’t matter to you, which is fine, but that doesn’t change the truth of what I said. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I agree that she is supposed to be obedient and submit but I also think that just because you can demand submission doesn’t mean you always should. It sounds like perhaps with a house full of guests (some perhaps unwanted) that she might be feeling tired, stressed, etc and that perhaps a little grace is in order. Just my thoughts after reading your post; I think the “goggles” theory works both ways. I don’t know your wife, or you, for that matter so perhaps I’m way off in my assessment. If so, no disrespect intended.
None taken. The additional guests are of her own doing. She asked me if they could stay, to which I agreed (they are my kids, after all). The issue, however, is not that she had a problem with the extra guest. If that were merely the case then fine, it’s the rebellious nature of her problem. Is Grace in order? Perhaps. But one seldom receives grace when they are flaunting an attitude and mean spirit. Should husband’s demand submission? Should they need to when the Bible so clearly spells out a wife’s responsibilities to submit to her husband? Typically demanding submission only becomes a thing when rebellion has raised its head first. Tired and stressed, no doubt she was, and I attempted to explain the reasoning behind my decision, but there was no grace OR submission for me, only spite because I didn’t so what she wanted. This is the crux of my post. Instead of being graceful and submissive I got rudeness and rebellion, of which she has a history of and continues to build on. My post is meant as a warning to other Christian wives. Don’t do things this way. God warns against it, and in the end you hurt a lot of people around you, all because you want your way.
Well, you make a good point.