Fear is an interesting thing. In just the right amount it can be a great motivator. We see this in the ages old saying, “Just wait until your father gets home”. Kids fear being spanked and they will change their behavior to avoid it. In excess it kills love, and you can see it in the eyes of a child who has been abused at the hands of a careless parent. They do not know love, only fear. The pull back when you reach for them. They panic. They don’t know how to react when given a hug or when offered something out of good will.
It’s kind of difficult for me to explain what’s on my mind, but it seems to me that a healthy marriage has a healthy dose of fear injected into it. That fear comes from an event that I have decided to call the “Show of Force” moment. Let me explain:
A friend of mine told me that shortly after getting married his wife was down on the floor cleaning something or other. As he walked by he, for no reason, kicked her in the butt. Not very hard, but hard enough to cause her to fall forward and to shock her. He doesn’t know why he did it, and he regrets it to this day, but the fact of the matter is – he did it. Now, he is a big guy, was a wrestler in high school and had a somewhat troubled childhood. Though I absolutely do not condone what he did, I can say that the event did much to seal the deal in his marriage. This was his “Show of Force” moment, when his wife realized the physical power he had over her, when she realized that, if he wanted, he could easily overpower and hurt her. This, in her mind, created a healthy sense of fear, and has governed how she acts towards her husband ever since. This mans wife is absolutely one of the kindest, godliest women that I know and, though she does have a bit of an attitude, I have never heard of her going of or disrespecting her husband the way many Christian women seem to do.
Now, again, I do not condone physical violence or assault towards ones wife, and the preceding example was just that, an example. The “Show of Force” moment, however, can come from any number of events.
Pastor B, whom I have been speaking about recently, used to be a thug. In fact just last night while I was at the church helping out with the last of the summers concerts I heard a few of his stories. He was not a good guy back then. His actions, however, were a powerful display of force that, I believe, have affected his wife ever since. She has seen him fight and hurt others. She knows he could overpower her, quite easily, and it helps to regulate her attitude and actions toward him.
My own father used to be a bit of a thug growing up, but he was also very active in sports, having wrestled and played football in high school. Though my mother never really saw him rough anyone up she did see him repeatedly smash guys in the wrestling ring and on the football field. This was a very clear display to her that this man could easily overpower her and do whatever he wanted.
For those of us who have never had this “Show of Force” moment life is difficult. Do any digging in a red pill site for more than a few minutes and you will find the truth that women like strong men. Men that can not only protect them from harm, but could also harm them if they wanted. Now, this is not saying that women like to be beaten or abused. There is plenty of very clear evidence that says they do not. No one likes to be abused. Abuse is the complete removal of love and is 100% violence. This is, however, an observation of the truth that when women know their men can commit violence it brings them comfort. It means that they are capable of protecting their families even at the expense of their own selves, and that breeds respect.
The modern world has become so simplified and convenient that modern men, with the exception of criminals, rarely, if ever, have an opportunity for this “Show of Force” moment. No man has to go out and hunt game anymore, or fend of raiders or brigands. They don’t go outside and practice their swordplay or work with a polearm – hell, many men are afraid to even have a gun in their home! They marry women who are skittish at best. They have no idea if their husband has what it takes to protect them, particularly when their husbands don’t seem to have what it takes to pass a simple fitness test. If he doesn’t have the strength to overpower her, how will he have the strength to overpower another man?
Again, this post is not meant to condone any violence towards women. I know a couple of my female readers have experienced true abuse in their pasts, and men who abuse women or children by showering them with violence deserve a special room in hell. This post is merely an observation that I am sure many of you out there can confirm for yourselves if you know the history of some of the couples you know.
The question, however, is this: If a marriage has never had this moment and a mans wife is disrespectful and disobedient because she lacks healthy fear, how does a man bring that moment about, and inject that healthy fear into her? In the end, this is an act of love. Again, not that the moment must be directed toward his wife, but the moment must come, nonetheless, if he is to keep his home in order. Without it, his wife will never submit to him.
We are told to fear God. Not “awe” fear, like some people tell us, but to “fear-fear”. Jesus tells us that we shouldn’t fear those who can destroy our bodies, but to fear the one who can destroy our body and then cast our eternal soul into hell (Luke 12:4-5). This fear is a saving fear, a loving fear. Fear of God, because He can destroy our bodies and cast us into hell, keeps us on the straight and narrow path to salvation. It helps to sanctify us. We, as Christians, fear Gods correction. We know that, because He is a loving God, He will correct us by causing us to be uncomfortable or even bringing us great pain, if it means keeping us close to Him. Better to suffer pain in the body than to suffer eternal death in hell.
It’s a loving act, though it may be difficult for us to understand.
Snapper's Domain 
There is rational and irrational fear. Rational fear is fear of authority. Irrational fear is worries of this life and things like that.
Regarding in marriage… I talk about that somewhat here:
In general, I think the easiest way to show force is probably the bedroom. Basically, have your way with her. Do what you want, move her into various positions, pull her hair, smack her butt, hold her down, if you’re strong enough to lift her up then do it, and so on. Surprise… most (if not all) women like this stuff.
Sex is one of the lynch pins of marriage just like the thumb is the lynch pins of the hand. Sex and family are THE core components of the marriage relationship that are not present in any other relationship. Starting from there is a good choice.
DS, I understand where you are coming from, but I can only partially agree with you. I don’t think that for most women the bedroom is an effective area to generate the moment I am referring to. There is just too much going on in the sexual arena for a woman to formulate that one single moment. I guess it would be better described as that “Oh, sh*t” moment where her mind is severely jarred by her husbands reaction. It’s that moment when she realizes what her husband has just done to another guys face, or that moment when she has said or done something and realizes that she has crossed the line, and her husbands reaction has generated a flash point realization of “oh sh*t, I went too far”. A show of strength in the bedroom increases pleasure, but wont generate that same fear striking moment that causes her to, from that day forward, police herself in action and in word. TO TREAT HER HUSBAND WITH RESPECT BECAUSE SHE IS NOW FULLY AWARE THAT HE COULD DO WHAT HE WANTED, WHEN HE WANTED, IF HE WANTED. Not sexually, but out of pure violence. It doesn’t sound pretty, I know, but I cannot think of any other way to put it.
@ SnapperTrx
Yeah, I get what you mean.
Perhaps taking MMA or a martial art is an option.
I clearly remember an incident earlier in our relationship when he showed force. I had a bad cold and he kept insisting that some particularly disgusting medicine would help immensely. When I continued to reject his terrible potion he gave me an absurd warning which I ignored and then – to my disbelief – he actually followed up and forced me to drink it, and a lot it was! It was both very maddening and very intimidating. He really did not let go of me! Was he insane? In spite of all of today’s conditioning for boys he obviously did not shy away from taking advantage of his superior strength. That’s of course what I had relied on before when I easily dismissed his warning as absurd.
As to your general surmise that such a “Show of Force” will help instill respect: The next time I had a cold and he came along with the same stuff again I just drank it so that he would leave me alone. Whenever he articulates a serious warning (it very rarely happens) I’ll become cautious because his entire body language suggests that he means it. It’s the kind of body language I just don’t have the body for.
What also helps instill something (though I can’t define what that something is) are his “Shows of ‘Whatever, I’ll ignore you’ “. I learned that when we have a disagreement and I insist on my opinion in eight cases out of ten I’ll only end up annoying myself much more than I could possibly annoy him (that sounds stupid). When I do adapt however and am receiptive for his care and guidance he’ll often become so sweet and generous, and I’ll know that he’d happily slap anyone who’s unfriendly to me. That’s the other side of the force-coin, and that’s what helped me learn to accept and eventually appreciate his sometimes bossy ways.
An interesting tale! Not sure how long ago that was, but guaranteed that such a show of force now days would definitely be seen as “sexual assault”, or at least assault, minimum. I made another post (https://snappertrx.wordpress.com/2018/01/18/i-do-love-lucy-something-you-will-probably-never-see-again-in-your-lifetime/) in which I talk about the old TV show, “I Love Lucy”, and how despite her comedic antics she would call her husband “sir” when she was in trouble, and even got tossed over his bent knee and spanked on several occasions. Back in those days it wasn’t abnormal to think that a man could do that to his wife if he needed to, but now days its a criminal offense. At one time men understood that many women can, and do, act childish at times and, at such times, should be treated in the same fashion you would a child. Many women understood this too, though I would think it was mostly the older generations. In our modern society, however, the older generations dont seem to have gained the wisdom of older generations past. Women, however, haven’t changed. They still act childish, society has just given them a pass to do so without reprimand.
And, yes, I’ve only recently learned that ignoring my wife when she starts to show attitude works very, very well.
How long ago that was? Some five years ago 😆 we’re both millenials he and I. “You don’t hit a girl” was around on my schoolyard, alongside Tamagotchis and those awful Pokemon cards. The boys loved saying it somehow, they felt like gentlemen on the one hand, on the other hand they felt like “Because girls wouldn’t stand a chance anyway, neener neener!” Now my fiancé didn’t hit me but sort of force-fed me, and more than just three or four teaspoons. I just couldn’t believe he was using his strength and forced me to do something!! But yes, I was also acting a bit childish when I rejected that disgusting cough mixture, and he actually said that this is why he’ll just ignore my opinion.
I noticed I’ll use his actual name to signal that I’m paying attention to what he says, usually I’ll call him all sorts of pet names instead. His real name doesn’t come close to calling him “sir” however.
Being ignored is gruelling for me. The worst thing is that whenever something’s gruelling – be it the sight of a spider somewhere or a headache – I’ll crave his intervention and comforting hugs, even if I was angry at him just five minutes earlier. When he ignores me however I’m just left alone to be annoyed with myself and I’ll feel very vulnerable.