As I explained in my previous post “Can’t see the Forest for the Trees” my dad is a believer of “husbands and wives are equals in marriage”. In the post I go over my discussion with him on my decision to move from California to Florida, and how my wife, at the time, was not on board with the idea, prompting him to inform me that he believed that if God really approved of me wanting to move then this would not be the case. God would have also informed my wife of this plan and she would be more than happy and willing to proceed. Only then would I be certain that leaving a state that is continually stealing from the pockets of its citizens and descending further into depravity is the right, god-approved, move.
Well, naturally, nothing has changed. Yesterday while working out of town my dad, brother and I stopped to grab dinner at the Santa Maria Cool Hand Luke’s (a pretty decent steakhouse, but, I digress) and I figured it was time to let him know that the plan to move was going forward. Though I had already informed my brother that my wife and I had agreed that moving was a good idea I had yet to tell my dad only because I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to deal with the potential fallout. During our previous conversations he seemed like he got a bit angry at the prospect, and, of course, he got angry when I told him that my wife’s agreement to the move was not needed, only her obedience. Anyhow, while talking about the upcoming changes California wants to make regarding ANOTHER “endangered species” I went ahead an let him know that my wife had gotten on board with the Florida thing and that our plan was to move, hopefully before the winter sets in and the middle portion of the country starts to freeze. His response was basically, “Meh. If that’s what you think you need to do…”, but the reasoning was still the same.
“Well, I said if your wife was on board with it.”, he said.
What he was really saying was, “If you have your wife’s approval then it MUST be God’s will”.
Again, this is a continued problem in the modern Western church. Without understanding fully what he is saying he is confirming his belief that WIVES are somehow God’s stamp of approval on a husbands decisions, completely bypassing and ignoring scripture, which clearly shows that HUSBANDS are given authority in marriage. COMPLETE authority (emphasis mine):
Ephesians 5:(23)For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. (24)Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Now show me one place in scripture, ONE PLACE, where it indicates that husbands are to defer to wives for ANYTHING, or that the approval of ones wife is required for any action a husband wishes to take?! Now, is it wise to consider a wife’s approval on a matter? Possibly. Are you repainting the walls in the living room? You might want to consider your wife’s input since she is the one who has to look at them most of the day. Are you buying a car for your wife to use to drive around and get her shopping and errands done? You may want to ask her what kind of car she would prefer or what color she would like it to be. You MAY want to ask, but you are not REQUIRED to ask.
Job’s wife certainly did not give her approval at Job’s holding to his integrity, should he have instead cursed God, as she instructed?
In the book of Acts we find Ananias and his wife Sapphira who agreed with each other on a course of action (Acts 5:9 TThen Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.”). They both ended up dead.
Men, don’t fall for this churchian false teaching. We have been given authority over our wives, children and property, and that authority should be tempered with the love of Christ and the wisdom of the Word. However, ladies, the lack thereof does not give wives authority or the permission to simply disobey her husband. If you serve Christ then husbands love their wives for His sake, regardless of how their wives act, and wives are to obey their husbands for Christs sake, regardless of how they act, so long as neither husbands nor wives disobey Gods commandments.
I did not argue with my dad simply because there is no point in doing so. I said my peace and made my intentions known, whether or not my wife agrees now is a moot point, and regardless he will continue to believe that, only through my wife’s approval, can I be sure God is with me. Otherwise I would have been only inviting destruction upon myself.
I shudder to think how he would have reacted had my wife not gotten on board and I had gone with my original plan of simply telling her “You can come with me or stay here, but I am moving”.