Imagine, if you will, going into a local pizza joint to enjoy dinner. Walking up to the counter you scope out the menu which clearly states, “absolutely no anchovies”. No big deal. Dinner specials include one large pizza, with everything! Speaking to the guy at the register you order “one large-a pizza pie, with everything”. Seemingly uncaring the guy punches your order into the register, takes your money and gives you change along with a receipt.  Happy and eagerly awaiting your food, you find a nice booth and have a seat.

table in vintage restaurant
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Some twenty minutes later the server rolls on over to your table and drops a huge, sinfully delicious smelling pizza down. You say, “Thanks!”, he says, “Sure thing.” and he turns to leave.

“Wait a second…”, you say. The server turns around, “Does this have everything on it?”, you ask.

“Yeah”, the server replies. “Well, everything except pepperoni and onions.”

“Um…okay”, you reply, somewhat flustered, “But, I ordered a pizza with everything on it”.

“Yeah, well, the cook doesn’t like pepperoni or onions, so he didn’t put any on there”.

“Okay, but your menu said, ‘large pizza, with everything’, which means ‘everything’, right”?

“Yeah, well, we didn’t write the menu. That was written by the old owner, we just told him we’d keep the menu the same after he left.”

“So, if the old owner wrote ‘everything’, don’t you suppose that means ‘everything’? I mean, did the old owner also write ‘absolutely no anchovies’ on the menu?”

“Yeah, that was him. We told him we’d keep the menu the same as when he left it.”

“Okay, so, if you had brought me a pizza with EVERYTHING on it, and I said, ‘hey, where’s the anchovies’, then if you said, ‘the menu says no anchovies’ then I’m out of luck that you didn’t put anchovies on it, and I would be dumb for assuming you WOULD have put anchovies on it if the menu says ‘no anchovies’, but that’s not what’s happened here. The menu said, ‘large pizza with everything’ and I ordered a ‘large pizza with everything’ and you let me believe I was ordering a ‘large pizza with everything’, but now you’re telling me that ‘everything’ means ‘everything except what the cook doesn’t like’, is that right?”

“Yeah, well, like I said, the cook don’t like pepperoni or onion.”

“Wait, wait, wait…do you not understand the meaning of the word, ‘everything’? I mean, it literally explains itself. Every. Thing. Everything. Your menu said, ‘large pizza, with everything’. If you want to offer pizzas with ‘ingredients at cooks discretion’ then you don’t list them as ‘ large pizza with everything’, you list them as ‘pizza with what the cook likes’. Would you agree?”

“Yeah, well, like I said, the cook don’t like pepperoni or onion.”

“Then your pizza shop is run by liars. You lied about your pizza and you lied to the previous shop owner whom you told that you would leave the menu unchanged!”

“Yeah, well, like I said, we didn’t write the menu. Also the cook was afraid that if he put ‘everything’ on the pizza you might ask him to kill someone.”

 


If you know, you know. Now how frustrated would YOU be?