This post applies to both men and women, but I’m going to be focusing on women here because, as usual, men are already held to account on this subject by the church while women are not, or at least not nearly on the scale as men are.

Ladies, the time to determine whether or not you are going to be obedient and submissive to your husband as a christian wife is NOT after you’ve gotten married, but rather it is BEFORE you get married. The modern church teaches wives that if their husbands don’t meet their standards of leadership they have carte blanche with whether or not they consider their husbands to be the head of the marriage or household and are free to do as they wish, but nothing could be further from the truth (emphasis mine):

(1 Peter 3:1) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the [a]incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

If God commands christian wives to submit and obey non-believing husbands where does the church get off telling christian wives they can refuse to submit and obey believing husbands? Or, even better, why does the church teach wives that they have any authority at all to make a determination as to whether or not their husband is serving the Lord in a fitting manner or, to be more truthful, in a manner satisfactory to her? God calls for wives to submit to their husbands, whom he has placed as an authority over her, not the other way around! Dalrock’s blog, again, has tons of posts about how the church has flipped the script on this and told women they have the authority and ability to simply stop obeying their husbands if their husbands don’t meet their litmus test of being “christian enough”, and that they should whip their husbands back into obedience….to God, of course, not at all to their feminine thirst for control. Any church that teaches this is heretical and should be avoided at all cost!

woman in gray tank top
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

BEFORE you get married is the time to look at the man who is your prospective husband, gauge his ability to lead and make decisions, and decide if you want to pledge yourself to him, but AFTER marriage its not an option. The marriage is the COMMITMENT to submit and obey to that man, as unto the Lord! Its like signing a contract to buy something, once you sign, that’s it, the choice as to whether or not you want it is gone, you’ve taken ownership of whatever the contract was over. Once the marriage is official that’s it, your on the hook to submit and obey, not to think about it, not to consider it. The only real “option” after marriage is rebellion and disobedience, but if this is your choice then you should realize you are being rebellious and disobedient toward your husband AND God, himself! You cannot be obedient to God while being disobedient to your husband, because God has commanded to to obedience! The only time God has given you the ability to deny your husband is if he commands you to sin against God. Theft. Lying. Murder. Adultery. If he asks you to put on the blue dress instead of the green you are on the hook to do it. That doesn’t mean you can’t make the argument as to why you would rather wear the green dress instead of the blue, but if your husband says, “No, put on the blue” then you SUBMIT to his will and put on the blue. If he changes his mind and decides you are right and the green is better then great! You’ve still submitted to his will and been obedient!

Now I said that both men and women are guilty of this, but for men its a bit different. Men need to decided BEFORE MARRIAGE if the woman they are looking at as a prospective bride is someone they want to provide for for the rest of their lives, because husbands are called to do so. Barring fornication or adultery, which permits a husband to “put away” his wife and deny her care, a husband is bound by God to provide for his wife so long as he lives. Food, clothing, shelter, protection from harm: All these are a husbands responsibility. Anything above that he can deny his wife if he finds her to be rebellious or disobedient, so he can cancel gym memberships, take away her phone or deny her special trips and gifts if she’s acting poorly toward him. HOWEVER, society as a whole along with the church already devote an overwhelmingly high amount of time and effort in reinforcing in men, especially christian men, that this is their job. In fact, its gone as far as essentially telling men their whole reason for existence is to provide food, clothing, shelter and protection to their wives and the only thing that really counts is anything and everything above that. Because men are expected to provide these things the fact that they work to do so is of no consequence and not worthy of recognition.