NOTE: I wrote this closer to the beginning of the year but have been sitting on it for a while, uncertain as to whether or not I wanted to publish it. It is subject to further change.
Ladies, how would you like to make this year an awesome year for your husband? Not only that, but how would you like to make it an awesome year for yourself by embedding yourself deep into your husbands brain in a good way, not in a Slaverian brain slug kind of way (inside joke there, sorry). In the past I have recommended that you Get Mandy-cized, if not in body then in attitude! I also recommend pursuing your husband like a love struck vampire, because he will love it and love you for it!
WARNING: THIS POST, PAST THE BREAK, CONTAINS DISCUSSION AND INFORMATION ON ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, IE: PORN. NO IMAGES ARE SHOWN, BUT THE SUBJECT MATTER MAY BE NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR NOT IN YOUR INTEREST. KNOW THIS BEFORE CONTINUING!
With the beginning of the new year let me make another suggestion on how you can not only get your husband revved up, but get yourself revved up and make him treat you like a high school girlfriend:
Watch some adult entertainment, with and without your husband.
Yeah I know a lot of Christians think that this is sinful, and if your that offended by it then by all means disregard what I am saying. If it truly offends your conscience then for you it IS sin. However, if you are willing to forego the taboo and understand that it is not sinful then you stand to gain a great deal from the experience, and so does your husband.
(As a word of note, I have personally moved away from the use of the word pornography, as it has negative connotations amongst the majority of people, not just Christians. As a result I will simply refer to the material as “adult content”, “adult entertainment” or “adult video”, etc. Nowadays EVERYTHING is porn. You have food porn, game porn, military porn: anything in you can enjoy more than a little has -porn attached to the end of it, its dumb.)
But wait, you say, isn’t watching people having sex the sin of lust?
Well, no. In fact, if erotica is sinful then the bible commits sin! One of the most famous erotic books in all of history is the Song of Solomon, which uses some interesting imagery to describe sex acts between a man and wife. If such a thing is sinful why would it be in the bible? Whether in the theater of the mind or visually through the eye, the sin of lust would be sin either way, wouldn’t it? Even if more contemporary erotica is more detailed, so what.
The apostle Paul tells us that lusting and coveting are one and the same:
Romans 7:7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.
To covet is a sin of want, not necessarily a sin of action. I describe it as a “setting your heart” on obtaining that which is not yours, as Jesus said:
Matthew 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
A person who sets their heart on obtaining something that is not theirs to have has committed lust. An excellent example was given by BGR over at BiblicalGenderRoles and kind of equates to this:
Let’s say your neighbor has brought home a nice, new car, which you very much take a liking to:
- If you say to yourself, “That’s a beautiful car”, you have not coveted.
- If you say to yourself, “I want a car just like that”, you have not coveted.
- If you say to yourself, “I am going to work hard and earn money to buy a car just like that one”, you have not coveted.
- If you close your eyes and imagine yourself driving your neighbors car, you have not coveted.
- If you imagine yourself sneaking into your neighbors garage at night and stealing the car for a joy ride you have not coveted.
- If you set, in your heart, that you WILL break into your neighbors garage and steal the car for a joy ride, and make it your intent to do so, you have coveted, and sinned.
With this knowledge we can safely say that reading about the sexual exploits of King Solomon and one of his many brides is not sinful, else the bible would be leading us into sin, nor is watching erotica or sex in a movie sinful, else the bible would be leading us into sin!
Just as you are not guilty of murder watching someone get shot dead, you are not guilty of lust by simply watching two people have sex. And just to put the idea to rest, nor are you guilty of adultery.
So what, then, do you gather to gain from watching any of this stuff? Well first of all consider it a learning experience. If you want to learn to do something well you sometimes seek advice from an expert. Now, that’s not to insinuate that anyone reading this is not good at sex, whether or not that is the case is not for me to judge, but that doesn’t mean that, good or bad, improvement cant be sought.
Benefit 1: Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is sexy. One thing that can be said about the female performers in adult movies is that enthusiasm can be faked, and it can be faked well. I have little doubt (And I can state this as fact after watching some documentaries on the lives of some of the ladies in the adult film industry. No, its not always pretty.) that spending hours upon hours engaging in sexual activities as ones job is always enjoyable, but when your paid to act like your having fun then you act like your having fun. The enthusiasm shown by the ladies, real or fake, is a huge part of what makes adult videos so entertaining. These ladies look like they are enjoying having sex – like they are having fun! They look at their partners bodies like a treat to be enjoyed, not something to be tolerated, and it makes a huge difference! Now imagine that you, yourself could perform the same way, with unbridled enthusiasm! I can almost guarantee your husband will notice the difference, and it will have a very big effect on him. A lot of sexual enthusiasm can make up for shortcomings in other areas, real or perceived.
Benefit 2: Technique
A second benefit is not only sexual technique, but sexual variety IN that technique. Adult film performers have sex in positions you would never have imagined. Find a few that pique your interest and then have your husband go at it with you. The excitement of doing something new, different and sometimes weird will not only increase both your sex drives in the bedroom, but it can be fun and funny trying to maneuver your way into some of the odd positions you will find. Not only that, but new positions can mean new types of stimulation, which can lead to better sex sessions! You may learn that with your head bent at this angle and your leg up here while your hips are over there feels GREAT, for both you and him!
Boredom stems from doing the same thing over and over, and knowing how everything works time and time again. Lay down on the bed. Do activity A. Then onto activity B. Now position 1 for a minute, then position 2. The unknown can be fun, mysterious and sexy! Also, simply asking your husband to do something sexually odd will turn him on even more.
Benefit 3: In the Mood
I forget where I recently read a post that said “Stop complaining about your husband looking at other girls. Do you want sex? Then you WANT him looking at other girls. It turns him on.”
At face value this sounds like horrible advice, and in todays female emotion centered society it is. Guys know their wives want to be the absolute center of their attention, all day, every day, but that just isn’t going to happen. When a pretty girl walks by, we notice, and sometimes it makes us horny. The nice thing is that 99% of the time our horniness turns into having sex with our wives (The 1%? Nobodies perfect.). The advice given by the post above was that if your a wife who wants sex, let your husband get turned on. Yes, yes, you DO turn him on, but lets face it, its highly unlikely your dressing and acting to turn him on all the time, and if he is out and working you are probably nowhere near him for most of the day anyway. Without the constraint of being told he should be ashamed of enjoying the view of another woman’s body you may find him wanting to be more sexually active with you simply because he finds he is turned on more often.
That being said, do you feel like your not “in the mood” enough in your marriage? Well, get in the mood with a little preemptive jump start. Did your husband just text and say he’s headed home from the office? Slap on a dress then sit and watch ten minutes of adult material. Don’t be afraid to self-stimulate a little! When he gets home and walks through the door grab him by the hand, take him to the edge of the couch, bend yourself over , flip up your dress and invite him to go at it. Not only will you be ready, but I’m pretty sure that if he wasn’t ready before, he will be in about 2 seconds flat.
Men and women are similar in that unless we are thinking about sex we aren’t really going to be in the mood for it. It just happens that men can get their minds turned on to the deed over a lot less than women can. Where it might take watching a few minutes of a couple having sex for a lady to get in the mood it would only take a fleeting glimpse of decent cleavage for a man to be in the same place. The reason why a lot of women are rarely “in the mood” is because there’s little to put them there. Interestingly enough, however, studies have shown that men may be more easily aroused by different sexual stimuli, but women actually have a broader spectrum of what they consider arousing than men do. You’d be surprised at how quickly you get into the mood once you start concentrating on something sex related.
And don’t be fooled by blog posts and magazine articles that tell you that your husband cleaning dishes or sweeping will turn you on: News flash, they wont, but watching a hot guy with a hot girl going at it on a beach towel by the pool will.
Benefit 4: Just Plain Fun
Kick back in front of the TV, pour yourselves some ice cold adult beverages, get naked and watch some adult movies with your husband. People come in all shapes and sizes (in more ways than one) and its fun to sometimes watch and comment. People love people-watching: Its one of the reasons why I frequent Disneyland. As a woman don’t let the bodies of the performers on the screen bother you. Trust me, the guys in the videos make men feel just as inadequate, but that only happens if you let it. Instead concentrate on your time with your husband and his body while he spends time with yours. Find out more about what he likes and dislikes, and maybe find a little about yourself as well.
These are just a few of the benefits of integrating some adult entertainment into your repertoire, if you so choose!
As I said before, if your someone who just cannot bring yourself to watch adult material then don’t let it bother you. It is a tool, and that’s it. If it offends you then by all means do not watch. It would be better that you not sin against your conscience than to struggle with accepting what you are doing, but for those of you who find you can bear it, and perhaps even enjoy it, you will find it a fun and enjoyable tool to enhance your sex life and to plant you firmly in your husbands brain as a constant reminder of the incredibly sexy lady he has at home who loves sex and, more importantly, loves sex with him.
If your wondering, yes, my wife and I do enjoy adult material from time to time. As with anything, it can be overused and can become problematic. One should never let it control them or become their sole means of arousal. It should enhance your sex life, not take it over.
Surprise! Adult material is easy to find on the internet, crazy, huh? Some care, however, should be taken when looking for something to watch:
- Gay sex: Between men. Though the activity is strictly forbidden by God that doesn’t make you sinful for watching it any more than watching a murder mystery makes you a murder. However, we choose not to indulge ourselves in watching such material partially because of said restriction and partially because neither one of us finds it even remotely sexy.
- Lesbian sex: Intimacy between two women is not restricted in scripture. Read Leviticus 18 for more details, which clearly state that “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination”, but amongst its many restrictions offers no restriction on women being intimate with women. In fact, that men are allowed to have multiple wives with no sexual restrictions other than what is listed: no mother/daughter, LIMITED sister/sister (The bible instructs a man not to take his wife’s sister as a wife ‘to vex her’. If either sister has issue with it then it is forbidden, but if neither has issue with it then it is permitted. This explains why Jacob could marry both Leah and Rachel, and why men were instructed to marry their brothers wife in the event of his death without a proper heir.) further back up this assertion. If it was sinful to have your three wives in bed with you sexually in ancient times I’m sure God would have listed it when he spoke about how a man is to be with his wives. Instead he just warns husbands not to decrease their old wives provision if he takes a new wife.
- Beastiality: Just….no. Again, restricted in scripture and also illegal in most states. I’m sure you could find it if you wanted it, but from what I understand its not something readily available and for good reason.
- Incest porn: This seems to be becoming a thing on adult sites, though its rather misleading. Incest is somewhat forbidden by God (see above about lesbian sex), but more likely than not the performers in these types of videos are not in any way related, they are simply playing out a script. Really up to your personal taste, but understand there is a 99.9% chance you are not watching relatives go at it.
- Hentai: Animated adult material from Japan. It doesn’t bother me, since I’m a fan of anime anyway, but some people don’t care for “cartoons”. Again, personal preferences here.
- Anal/Oral: Again, personal preference, as neither one of these is restricted in the bible unless its male-male. Though you might consider it restricted (or gross), there are not specific “thou shalt not” in the scriptures.
Another one of the issues that is bound to come up is the question of women being exploited in the adult entertainment industry and whether or not watching adult entertainment supports that. Well, I know it does happen, and its highly unlikely that 100% of the girls have stellar stories of their treatment, but considering it is a regulated industry and according to some of the other documentaries I have watched on the subject they are, for the most part, happy with their work and NOT exploited like some of the horror stories would have you believe. By comparison the microprocessors in the computer or phone you are using to read this article were likely constructed from materials gathered in foreign countries by TRUE slave laborers who’s owners benefit from your use of their product while they are mistreated, beaten and sometimes killed. The actual film industry is no doubt filled with no less drugs, sex and exploitation than the adult film industry, but we give hardly a thought to supporting them because they (mostly) keep it under wraps. Would I want my daughters or sons to be in the adult film industry? No, absolutely I wouldn’t, but there are a lot of jobs I would not want them participating in for a number of different reasons. The majority of girls in the adult film industry are happy and well taken care of, so have no qualms about that. And again, if it bothers you that much just don’t watch adult entertainment and you have nothing to worry about. A young girls biggest commodities are her youth, beauty and sexuality, and some choose to use it in a way much different than your standard model would. I would never encourage someone to get into the adult entertainment industry for spiritual and health reasons, but there are people there already and there is no point in fussing over them
Look here for BGR’s post “10 Common arguments against Porn”. He does a much better and in-depth job of explaining how adult materials should be considered by the Christian.