I consider my wife to be ‘moderately feminist’. That is to say that, when held up to her other friends, she is pretty tame. She does have one friend who is a full blown, all out Christo-feminist, who goes to church and praises God and talks about the wage gap and how men subjugate women (while smoking weed and drinking and sleeping with men who aren’t her husband). Because of this I use my wife to kind of gauge where the Christian woman culture is at and where it is headed. Though she has her own issues, I see her as the typical Christian woman, or maybe even a bit better than, seeing as how she hasn’t consciously attached herself to the feminist mindset.
Now I have stated that I believe Every Christian Woman a Feminist simply because Its’ how they’ve been trained. Though its a bit of an overstatement, as I find women here who have been capable of breaking free of the feminist mindset and aligning their thoughts and actions with what the bible teaches, not what churches teach the bible teaches.
I feel my wife is in rebellion to the word of God, and I feel that most Christian wives are as well, its simply how their husbands handle it that makes it noticeable or not. My wife talks about how some of her friends seem to have better marriages because their husbands ‘treat them so well’, but I see it as their husbands don’t hold them to any kind of standard and would never call them out were they to be in sin. Or, at most, they might call them on it, then just let it go because their wives are the ones who really wear the pants in the marriage.
This being said, my wife and I had a knock down drag out a couple of weekends ago and much was revealed. Now, I will admit, it probably didn’t help that we had partaken in some cinnamon whiskey beforehand, as it likely caused us both to fly off the handle, but I feel I can safely assume that the things my wife said and believes are what a lot of mainstream Christian wives believe. Or, at minimum, that what they believe is WORSE than what my wife believes! Some of this is rehashed material I have been over before, so bear with me.
- Husbands can never be used by God to deliver their wives from trouble: My wife says she prayed before going to her latest bible study that if God didn’t want her to go that He close the door on the opportunity. She did this because she said she recognizes that a lot of Christian women have odd and strange beliefs that are not biblical, but also feels she is okay because she ‘picks out what is wrong and keeps what is good’. Now if you recall I had posted on this very blog that I had approached her about my disapproving of her attending this bible study, even providing her with scripture to back up my assertion that women should be asking their husbands questions regarding scripture (1 Corinthians 14:35), but as you can see, this could never be taken as God using her husband to answer her prayer and deliver her from trouble. Instead it is taken as a husband attempting to control her, not hold her to a biblical standard. Now I can almost 100% guarantee that if someone else had approached her and warned her about the ladies in the study (who, it ends up DO have some odd and strange biblical beliefs) she would have thanked God for His intervention.
- More activities = More Godliness: On and on again my wife reminds me that she attends at least one bible study a week along with church on Wednesdays and Sundays while I (previously) only attend church on Sunday and a men’s group. This, of course, makes her more holy and in line with God than her husband, which means that I, by default, cannot be understanding scripture properly. This also gives her the ability to ignore my instruction, which is the next point.
- She listens to God, not her husband: Despite the word of God being very clear on wives being obedient and submissive to their husbands modern Christian wives have been told they are better and more spiritual than their husbands. And since we ALL have access to the throne room of God and God speaks to all of us, what need is there to follow a husbands instruction if a wife feels God is telling her differently? And since wives, overall, spend more time consuming bible related materials, they must understand the word of God better than their husbands, meaning they have the ability to ignore their husbands instruction if they feel they know better! Oh, and the church totally supports and encourages this behavior whether they do it intentionally or not! One of my favorite pastors, Greg Laurie, jokingly berates men on a consistent basis. I don’t think he does it out of spite, but I also don’t think he realizes that he is feeding a beast with an insatiable appetite when he does, and that it actually fosters rebellion. You can see how this works in any workplace where people believe they know more or are better qualified than the boss they are working under. It greatly hinders their ability to do what they are told without complaining or doing so with a chip on their shoulder.
- Scripture is controlled by culture: This one should not come as a shock to anyone who has read this blog in the past. My old pastor informed me that the bibles instructions for women to remain silent in the church or that women should not be pastors was only intended for that culture and is not relevant for today. You can read about it here, here, here and here. In the same manner my wife, and many Christian churches, believe that, though scripture doesn’t change, God allows us to understand it differently because of the change in culture from ancient times to modern. So the biblical instruction for wives and women in the church can be understood differently because modern ‘enlightened’ culture allows women to be independent, to have jobs, to have children out of wedlock and to husband shop through dating, which were not things in ancient times. However, I failed to ask her at the time why the instructions for men to love their wives as Christ loves the church or as their own bodies still have the exact same meaning, despite the huge change in culture for men over the past couple thousand years.
- Paul hated women: I don’t know if this is a thing for anyone but my wife or, rather, a small subset of women as I have never heard anyone but my wife assert this. Maybe she learned it from her mother? Either way, my wife has always believed that the apostle Paul hated women and that his epistles in the bible clearly display it. Now, as Christians we hold fast to the belief that the bible is the word of God, written by man (or, as some say, written by the hands of men, inspired by God). We believe the bible to be the perfect word of God, without error and a reflection of Gods moral character. To say that the words of Paul reflect a hatred of women is to say that God himself hates women! It sounds weird, but I can see where a lot of Christian women might latch on to this belief when they have no understanding that Gods restrictions on women in the church and instructions to wives are meant for the good of women and not ill. A woman who feels she has the ‘right’ to speak her mind and do what she wants (which is my wives catch-phrase) WOULD be offended at the writings of Paul that clearly state that women should be silent in the church, that God esteems man before women, that man is the glory of God but woman is the glory of man, and that wives be obedient and submit to their husbands in EVERYTHING. This is part of the feminist mindset ingrained into modern girls who are told from the get go that they are angels and that men have subjugated them for thousands of years!
- Love = Buy me stuff and treat me like a queen: It just seems like the majority of modern women consider how much stuff you buy them to be the only real proof of a mans love for them. It matters little that a man goes to work every day, provides a house, car, food, clothing and the tons of little perks that aren’t necessarily requirements for a woman to enjoy, what matters is how much stuff do you get them when they want it. This is no surprise as I have said in the past that society, including the church, downplays a mans provision for his wife, relegating it to a “basic minimum” and thus turning it into nothing. If a man brings up his work and all the stuff he already provides for his wife he is told “well that’s just what your supposed to be doing to begin with”, which is code speak for telling him that all that doesn’t count toward anything, only stuff beyond that is proof of his love!
- Soul mate/”The One For Me” Doctrine: Despite all of our troubles, successes and our three kids my wife still thinks that Gods plan for a persons life includes a specific person, a “soul mate” if you will, that He plans for us to be with, and that we can screw up Gods plan by marrying the wrong person. This concept is wrong on so many levels and does tons of damage to a marriage relationship if only because it means that at least on person in the marriage can, any time they are unhappy, fall back on the sorry excuse of “well maybe this isn’t the person God intended for me to marry and I so I must have married the wrong person”. Even worse, it can open the door in a marriage for infidelity if the spouse with this mindset finds someone else of the opposite sex with whom they build a good rapport and find attractive. I have heard this “soul mate” idea from my wife before and if there is one thought in her head I could kill dead it would be this one. If you are a woman (or a man) who believes this let me tell you now: This is a lie. God gives man free will and, though I would agree that many times in the past He has chosen people for whom He had a specific path for, He is not our puppet master, otherwise free will would be pointless. The “soul mate” mindset will at first make it nearly impossible for you to find someone for you to marry because it creates a checklist of the impossible. You will find yourself waiting forever for your soul mate to appear until, at some point, you either give in and “settle” or you somehow think you have found them. From there forward it will crush your marriage when you start to realize that your “soul mate”, the one whom you are supposed to click so well with, in fact, isn’t and doesn’t. Marriage is hard, its a lot of work. Few and far between are the marriages that just “click”, if there are any out there that actually function like this to begin with. Having the mindset of “maybe this isn’t the person God wanted me to marry” in your marriage is a slow acting poison that will kill everything that makes marriages work. Goodwill, kindness, sex, love: Each one of these can easily be brushed aside when you have it in your mind that the person you are married to isn’t the person you were supposed to marry. If you want your marriage to stand any hope of lasting, get rid of this mindset, fast. Again I’m surprised that Christian women still hold on to this concept when it doesn’t appear in scripture, but is entirely made up from romantic culture.
Considering my wife is “moderately feminist”, it makes me shudder to think of what more mainstream Christian women think and do. I know one of my wife’s friends (whom she tries to avoid) is actually divorced, actively sleeping with a man who is not her husband, consistently drunk, smokes pot, is a devout feminist and believes women are oppressed, makes her kids wake up every morning for Eastern style meditation and leads the worship team at the church she attends. I consider her to be at the far extreme end of Christo-feminism. Between the two I don’t see a pretty picture of modern Christian women.
For those of you wondering about the post title, it has nothing to do with the prolific author other than the term “mark, twain” was originally used to indicate water levels while riding boats down the Mississippi river, meaning “two fathoms deep”. In essence, its a term used to gauge something.