So right now my wife and I are embroiled in a battle that doesn’t look like it will end soon.
As those of you who read my blog on occasion may remember, earlier this year I had an issue with the church we were attending and, after much prayer and discussion with the pastors, I decided my family would no longer be attending. Not at all to my surprise my wife instead decided she WOULD still be attending, regardless of what I have to say and despite the fact that I pointed out, in scripture, that she is called to obedience and that she was being rebellious. Well the saga continues as, not so long ago, I voiced my desire that she not attend a bible study at that same church, as firstly I don’t think she needs to be going out there anyway, in direct rebellion to what I have instructed her to do, and secondly I don’t think women should be learning the bible from other women (which is part of the reason why I am having this issue to begin with).
Now to rehash some old info my wife is a Christian and has been since before I knew her. She did, however, grow up in a broken home and, not long after I met her, she experienced more turmoil when all manner of things happened in her family, including her dad moving back into their lives, which she was not happy with. We have had a rough marriage but have survived some issues in the past that should have broken us apart.
All that being said she is of the same cloth I hold most modern Christian women in that she has a feminist-lite attitude about the bible. Now, she would argue all day long that it is not the truth, but she acts no different than 99.9% of the Christian women out there who are fit to be “submissive and obedient” to their husbands, so long as their husbands don’t actually rock the boat by having her do something she either doesn’t agree with doing or was going to do in the first place. So ‘telling’ one of these women to clean the house isn’t a big deal because they were going to clean anyway and, yeah, the house needs to be cleaned. Telling one of these women that you are going to sell the house and move the family into an apartment so you can invest the money in your own start up company, however, won’t fly, and the Christian woman you know will give up the ghost and make way for the feminist woman she has always claimed wasn’t there.
Now I say she has a feminist-lite attitude about the bible because, like the majority of Christian women out there she has been taught that her views and understanding of the bible can be in direct contradiction to her husband, and that when this happens, her views win out because “the holy spirit”. Some of you may not be familiar with how this works, but here is an example from today:
I say that the bible says X; she says that the holy spirit talks to her too, and that she has a different understanding of X; I tell her that’s fine, but the truth of the scripture is immutable and doesn’t change, even if she comes to understand that truth in a different manner than I do; she says we will never see eye to eye because I just want to control her.
Years of hanging out with the other ladies of the church and learning feminist-lite translations of scriptures, as well as reinforcement from the church that women are, by default, more spiritual than men and thus closer to God, have trained her incorrectly. Not only her, but myself as well! The problem lies in the fact that I have had this incorrect training pointed out to me and she has not. Thus, when I try to teach her to be more in line with what the scriptures say there is an automatic butting of heads.
The bible says “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Her training says “everything doesn’t mean EVERYTHING”.
The bible says “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten…”
Her training says “how dare he rebuke me!”
She wants to live a life free from correction from her husband, saying that she will receive correction from God, but God makes it clear in scripture that he will use her husband to correct her:
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
She has been trained that other men, men who hold doctorates from bible college and are the leader of a multi-million dollar facility where they know 20% of their congregations names, but they stream their Sunday morning service onto the internet and take tithes by credit card as well, those are men who are authorized to teach her. Or the women, the ones who got up enough courage to buy a bunch of books that talk about the bible and are willing to be at the church every Sunday, Monday and Wednesday, those are ladies who are authorized to teach her!
Certainly not her husband! Right?
1 Corinthians 14:
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home….
And here is where I come back around to my previous statement. The failure to understand the preceding verse has created several generations of women who’s biblical understanding is at odds with her husbands, and thus enmity is created in the home. Its all fine and good if the husband never gets up off his butt and decides to sit idly by while his wife acts as the true authority in the home, but for those of us who can do so no longer there is a battle. Wives have been taught that men want to usurp THEIR authority and use that authority to oppress them! In fact, my wife informed me that if she just did what I said and “became a doormat” (which is not at all what I told her was necessary to be in alignment with the Word of God), then she would be no better off than if she were married to a Muslim! As though my desire to bring her in alignment with Gods word is somehow akin to a religion that SERIOUSLY subjugates and crushes women!
I am at the end of my rope here, people. I have two choices: 1) Give up and just let her take over and do whatever she wants, however she wants and just not care, or 2) continue the fight with a someone who seriously sees their disobedience to the word as obedience.
What’s a man to do?