Fractured….

So the backlash of change is hitting me with both barrels. Both my kids have let me know that they have no desire to bible study with me because they either don’t agree with what I have been teaching them or they don’t like that I have become, as they put it, so “I’m the man, I’m the dad, I have the authority”.

My youngest son has informed me that he doesn’t understand why I have turned into what I have turned into or why I bring up relationship and man/woman stuff so much around him. He is 17 years old, quite tall and a rocker in a band where he plays several instruments. I told him that he might not fully understand or agree with everything I say until he gets older and starts to experience life outside of school, and I think his being brought up in a society that wants to make men and women equal in everything, facts, science and God be damned.

My daughter said that she just flat out doesn’t agree with me when I tell them what the bible says about the authority of fathers over daughters or husbands over wives. She insists that she reads her bible at work (which she does), but she asks other people questions about what things mean – people like her mother and her nana, which would be fine except, as I have explained in the past, I have issue with both. My wife is often disrespectful, disobedient and submissive and my mother in law, though I love her very much, has not had a great marriage (she and her husband are officially divorced yet they have lived together for a very long time and have a rocky relationship to say the least).

My wife needs no introduction if you have read my blog much. I love her but her continued rebellion and disrespect is frustrating. It comes and goes, of course, and we may go weeks without issue until we run into an issue where I try to use my authority to do something she doesn’t want to do.

Some days I think it would be easier just to give in. Some days I think it would just be easier to disappear. Some days I want to fight to make things right, but in the end it isn’t up to me, its up to those in my family to be obedient, to be respectful and to do what is commanded of them. Not by me, but by Christ. Each of these people carry the name Christian, but what good is the name if you don’t live the life? Yeah, so you don’t go out and drink or do drugs or sleep around, but is it really obedience if you “don’t sweat the small stuff”? I don’t expect them to be perfect, but I do expect some kind of effort. And this, people, is where things go wrong. I’m not “fun dad” anymore, at least not 24/7. Now I am dad who has expectations and dad who wants to see his family be who they say they are. Dad who wants to be radically different by actually doing what the bible says and not adding a bunch of clutter between point A and point B. The more clutter you add between points the easier it is to say, “well, I don’t do things that way” or “well we really don’t have to do things like that because of x, y or z”. This additional clutter has lead the modern church and modern Christians to find all manner of getting around Gods word without making them feel like are doing so. I don’t want that for my family.

I may not be accountable for their salvation or for the decisions they make as adults, but I will make sure they understand before they leave my home to love Christ is to obey His commandments, what those commandments are and what troubles they may run into should they choose not to obey.

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Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

10 thoughts on “Fractured….”

  1. I don’t think you’re accountable for their reception of the message. All you can do is present it; and it’s up to them to decide what to do with it.

    1. Yes, that’s what I have been trying to get across to some other people in the family that have been coming to me about the issue. Apparently my wife and kids have taken to talking to my parents about what they see as a problem. My father has approached me on a couple of occasions to discuss things (nothing bad, he just wanted to know what was up and ask questions) and I told him the same thing you are saying. All I can do is tell them what the bible says, its completely up to them as to whether they decide to be obedient to it. I wont be accountable for that, but I will be accountable to making sure they know what it says.

  2. If you love them, which you do, then you’ll keep trying to teach them the Truth.

    The interesting thing about Jesus and His interactions with the Pharisees is not so much the supposed “antagonistic” relationship between the two. It is that Jesus always went back to the Truth and presented it to them for them to accept or reject. Some eventually did accept it like Nicodemus.

    That’s what we are to have hope in Christ for. Despite giving us a difficult time or even being antagonistic toward us, they would eventually come to a place where they acknowledge and accept the Truth of what the Scriptures tell us.

    Prayers are with you still. Make sure you’re presenting Truth according to the fruits of the Spirit.

  3. At the point where your entire family (and not just your wife) feels steamrolled, you might have a presentation problem. Obviously I’m not there and if what I’m saying isn’t a blessing to you, then toss it. Growing up I knew a family who’s older teenage daughter (about ten years older than me) started wearing jeans that were a tad tighter than her parents preferred. While I think we would agree that she should submit to her parent’s authority and not wear those jeans, her parents turned it into The Issue. Every. Single. Conversation was riddled with phrases like “children obey your parents”, “my house my rules”, “you don’t have to agree you just have to obey”, etc. All phrases I personally agree with, but they let it ruin their relationship. Now that their relationship is effectively ruined and she’s married and has their grandchildren, they are finding that their version of the moral high ground is awfully lonely. If they could do it again, they wouldn’t have told her the jeans were okay, but they definitely would have gone about it differently and not lost the forest to gain a tree.

    1. Yes, I understand this. I know that at some point it will devolve into useless words and I just have to let them suffer the consequences of their actions and let God deal with them. However, this doesn’t absolve me of my responsibility as their father. So long as my daughter is in my home she is subject to my authority, though I realize that as an adult in todays society my authority is very limited (just not by Gods standards). It frustrates me every time I see my wife pack up and leave for a church I have said we will not attend, but I know that it will do little good to harp on her about it every Sunday. The complaints from my family are many, but the reality is their perception is distorted. It’s not like the only thing we talk about is scripture and the relationship between men and women. We MIGHT talk about that kind of stuff once a week or less, but they have been telling people that its practically every day. I’m at a bit of a loss.

      1. Well that’s the rub. In the example I gave, the girl’s parents told her a lot that they were trying to save her from consequences of poor decisions but if she insisted on doing things her own way, eventually she’d get screwed over. 15 years later, and they’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’s a Christian married to a Christian. She still talks to her siblings and other people she knew from her childhood, but the parental relationship is almost completely severed. It’s almost like maybe they weren’t 100% right even if they were in charge.

        Your daughter is subject to your authority, yes. But that doesn’t mean you have to rub her face in it. I was a young adult at my parent’s house during summers and other school breaks and we got along great (and still do). I respected them and made sure not to do things in their house or in front of my younger siblings that they would not approve of (to this day, as a married woman,I still do not wear a bikini or certain other outfits around them because I know it wouldn’t be respectful to them). I don’t remember them ever dictating to me what I ate, when I went to bed, which church I attended, how I studied the Bible, etc. They trusted that they had raised me the best they could, and that trying to force my hand on certain issues was only going to make me dislike their position even more.

      2. I didn’t indicate that I was “rubbing her face in it”. What I did was made her aware of it, explained that there could be spiritual consequences and left it at that. The “other shoe” may never drop, but God will hold us accountable for our works when we stand before Him. THAT is more my concern than waiting for the other shoe in this life. A parent who expectedly waits for this mysterious other shoe IS doing harm to their relationship with their child, but as Christians we are to be spiritually minded, and we need to consider the things of the next life as well as the things of this current life. A disobedient child who knows Christ will have to account for their disobedience, and it would be wise for them to obey the word “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”.

  4. From what you’ve said previously about your daughter (particularly that she is intelligent and tries to serve God well), it surprises me that she would react so negatively to your simply pointing something out once. Hadn’t you pointed out facebook posts you hadn’t liked and she had been fine with it? I can understand your sadness and discouragement if that is what is happening. I don’t see why your daughter can’t disagree with you and still be civil about it.

    When you said that your son doesnt’ understand “why I bring up relationship and man/woman stuff so much around him”, I took that to mean it was a often repeated occurrence, but if he is also over-reacting like his sister, than the same above applies.

    Praying for you and your family.

    1. My wife has been talking to both of them while I am not around. Mystery solved.

      In fact, my son actually told me a few months ago that he put into practice some of the things we had talked about and thought it was “cool” that they worked. Apparently he has changed his mind.

      As I said, both kids act like its something we talk about every day, but its not. We rarely talk about it, but we DO talk about it. All three of my kids are close to or at marrying age and I would rather they know a few things BEFORE actually going through with the deed. I suspect some conversation has taken place between the three of them and my wife has given her “side of the story” so to speak, about things done in the past that paint me in a bad light. Not that I didn’t have issues, but I am sure they greatly downplay her mistakes or shove them off as responses to my own.

      Thanks for the prayers. Always appreciated.

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