Meeting with my Pastors I.VIII

So this isn’t really about meeting with my pastors, but follows the lines of that saga. I am actually planning on meeting with them again later this week to let them know that my family and I will no longer be attending the church. As much as I love these guys I just cannot reconcile the issues I have with the message they have delivered. Both this past Sunday and the Sunday prior pastor B has preached on the importance of the “infallible Word of God”. How can one preach the bibles infallibility while at the same time saying part of it can be ignored due to culture? It makes no sense and would be very confusing for newer believers who, upon hearing how homosexuality or divorce are also part of “old culture that should be ignored” (which is being taught by some churches) will now consider the option since, you know, the restriction on women teaching in the church is “old culture”.

This post is more about my informing my wife that we will no longer be attending the church. I really only finalized the decision Sunday night after service and two main things really sealed the deal for me. First was the two messages I mentioned above, but the other was my wife’s attitude over a certain issue the week before. I had told her I would handle a situation that had come up in which we are having to meet with our sons school district to get him moved to the school he should be at, which is down the street from our home. My wife does not (DOES NOT) like talking to people, much less being put on the spot, as the meeting is actually a hearing type of format, meaning one has to stand before the school board and make a case as to why your child should be moved to another school. When our hearing was scheduled last month I was out of town for work and had to reschedule because she didn’t want to go. The new hearing is scheduled for tomorrow and, guess what, I am headed out of town for work. This, however, doesn’t work for my wife, who instead acts as though I intentionally planned it out this way. After fussing a bit and giving me the cold shoulder for a day or two it she got back to normal, but the whole ordeal got me thinking: In the 10+ years we have gone to this church my wife has learned absolutely nothing about being respectful or obedient to her husband. I cannot recall a single message on the subject, and that, really, is part of the problem with non-expository teaching – it becomes easy to bypass important subjects that, if you were to read the bible line by line, you cannot avoid talking about. Five years ago when she and I were going through some very difficult issues and nearly divorced there was no sudden message or call for women to submit and be obedient to their husbands. And yet all it took was me upsetting my wife by informing her that I would not approve of her actions to get the pastors worked up enough to deliver at least a few messages on how men should certainly be listening to, not only their wives, but women in general.

Things went pretty much how I expected. I told her we were no longer going to attend and explained to her why. She asked why I felt the need to leave instead of try to teach pastor B the truth if I thought he was wrong. I told her I already tried, he is set in his mind and nothing I say is going to change it. I informed her that I expected her to back me up on this and she informed me that she wouldn’t. I told her that I hadn’t made the decision lightly, but had spent the past three or four weeks in prayer, fasting on and off, consulting with other Christians and discussing with both pastors before reaching my decision, but that didn’t matter. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had fasted for a month, or six months, she was not interested. Apparently I’m “not the only one God speaks too” in the house, “but”, I informed her, “I am the only one with authority”. That pretty much sealed it right there and she was done. I told her that she could expect discipline if she was going to fight me on this and go anyway and she informed me that nothing I was saying at the moment was Godly or displayed Godly love, despite the fact that I informed her God “rebukes and chastens” those whom He loves.

Once we got home from our walk she immediately got on the phone with her mother, who is also a saved Christian, but who is also the typical Christo-feminist: raised in church, but also raised in a society that tells women they are better than submissive and obedient wives, called to be so much more.

The problem here is my wife’s pride. I agree that God speaks to more than just me, but it is true that I am the one in the house given authority. That is not good enough for her. SHE wants to be the one with authority OVER HERSELF – not some MAN who is far from perfect and who is leading her in a direction she doesn’t want to go! God could NEVER use him!

Suffice to say that all communication from her so far today has been very curt and short, no affection needed.

On the plus side, since my son decided to be late for Sunday service he didn’t end up going to church with us but I had him read Genesis 1 and 2 on his own, and instructed him to write down two questions from each chapter he might have so we could discuss. We had a great discussion last night for over an hour on the meaning of some of the verses as well as God in general, His mystery, His majesty and His love, as well as our own faith. It really was good and, for the moment, we will continue with that, twice a week. I will likely start to canvas the area for a new church after my current job wraps up, as it has me quite busy. Though I am familiar with a few of the local churches I will probably just send their staff an email with some general questions to help me weed out those whom I would not even visit.

As always, prayers are appreciated. I still have to talk to the pastors and I don’t think they will take kindly to it. Though I am not going in to be combative it can still be difficult for a pastor to hear that one of this congregation thinks he is still drinking milk on certain biblical subjects when he should be well into the meat. The idol of equality seems noble, but it is not biblical. The word of God is clear that, on this earth, there are authorities and those under authority. Governments and subjects, masters and servants, pastors and sheep, husbands and wives. It’s that last set that people seem to have a problem with.


Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

7 thoughts on “Meeting with my Pastors I.VIII”

  1. “The idol of equality seems noble”

    had not thought of it as an ‘idol’ before, but it is.
    – – –

    stand firm. as you’re clearly seeing, your children are watching. Satan will not release the grip of your wife without a battle. your children are watching. may God send legions of angels to surround you, your wife, your children, and your home; may God put hedges of thorns around all of you to protect you from all evil. your children are watching. may God strengthen you, calm you, fill you with His peace and Truth and the ability to stand firm. your children are watching.

      1. Snapper – i am ten years out from the finalization of my divorce; thirteen years out from the beginning to the end of that marriage. and while i cannot predict your future and will not even speculate, i will say this:

        stay on your knees humble and pliable and responsive to God, alone. do not let 24 hours go by without spending time reading God’s Holy Word *and* praying; absolutely no exceptions for any reason.

        because … (1) you literally cannot get through it without Him. Satan is all over this. the spiritual battle will only get more intense. and you can NOT fight a spiritual battle without God and His angels. pray the armor of God over you and your wife and children

        and … (2) you will be shocked, shocked, in years to come what your children remember and what made such vivid impressions on their hearts and souls and therefore their lives. make sure that it is God and NOT you behind all of that.

        state the truth about your marriage and wife, ONLY when necessary, to your children … without commentary … and as little emotion as possible – the fewer the words the better.

        you will be the anchor for your children REGARDLESS of whether they see it or acknowledge it. in fact, they will war against you and say terrible things to you … let them (within reason) get it out. my girls were 3 and 5 years old when all this began, and you would be absolutely shocked if i told you some of the things they said during those very young years.

        – – – – –

        while my girls and i talk about all the good as well as the bad about their dad (i force them to remember him as he was, not as they wanted him to be), they are now the first to defend me against him. “We know our Dad, Mom … we knew him very well … and there was nothing else you could have done.” as they’ve grown older, as time has passed, they’ve both said this a lot. they do not know all the details, nor should they, but they know his character and his heart … and they know that neither were upright or good. as we remember his life, we remark often at what a tragedy it was – he was so brilliant and had such huge doses of compassion, but the bad won out too many times. when my girls weep because they struggle to remember many good things about him, i encourage them to live their own lives in such a way that the good far outweighs the bad.

        they’ve learned some harsh lessons at young ages in their lives. i pray that these lessons continue to serve them well rather than drag them to dark places.

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