The Obliviousness of the Alpha Pastor

Three weeks ago our associate pastor determined that the women of the church would be given a night to teach the congregation. Initially it worried me, but I thought that, perhaps, he meant for the ladies to share a scripture and a little blurb on how that scripture affected them or was applicable in their own lives. Apparently so did all the ladies, because two weeks after his announcement the ladies were given the pulpit, but the goal of the evening was NOT for them simply to share, but for them to TEACH the congregation, as made plain by the associate pastors words. This very much concerned be because the bible states:

1 Timothy 2:

I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.

The bible indicates that God prohibits women from teaching in the church (and maybe out of the church as well, but that’s another blog post), or from having authority over men.

I instructed my wife not to teach, but to share, then return to her seat, as the bible also states that women speaking in the church is shameful (in what capacity I do not fully yet know, either don’t speak at all in the church or as a teacher, I’m still praying over that one), and I personally did not want my wife shaming herself before God.

What really set off the current chain of events, however, is that afterward our pastor went into a long winded message about men NEEDING to receiving teaching and wisdom from anyone speaking the word of God, without regard to who is actually speaking. Directly he said men need to be open to receiving wisdom and teaching from women and children. His support behind the claim was that God used a donkey to deliver a message, so if He can use a donkey we should be willing to listen to women or children. To further solidify his feelings toward the practice he proceeded to proclaim that men who are not willing to receive the word from women are Pharisees – “white washed tombs full of dead men’s bones”, as well as “spiritually dead inside”.

To add a cherry on the top, he continued into informing the men that “just because you are the head of the house doesn’t mean you have control”, that wives should never be “behind their husbands, but should always be right there beside them” as equals and, the pièce de résistance: that if men cannot except wisdom from women then “don’t be surprised when she surpasses you in spiritual wisdom and knowledge, and don’t be surprised if she stops being submissive to you when she realizes it”.

This message is borderline blasphemy, if it is not, indeed, blasphemous.

The word of God is clear on both points he tried to push home. 1) that women are prohibited from certain activities in the church and 2) that there is a hierarchy within the marriage structure and that wives do not have grounds to subject their husbands to a litmus test to determine if they should be submissive. Now, I am not going to go into all of the details on those points in this post, but I have typed up a number of notes that I will present probably some time next week, along with some information on how the whole event went down, but I do want to address what I think may be part of the reason why our pastor feels this way.

Our pastor is definitely what you would consider an natural alpha male. Before being saved he was a drug abusing, drug selling thug who beat people up and got into trouble with the law repeatedly. He married his wife before they both got saved and she was, reportedly, just as bad as him.

Now I posit that, much like my father, natural alpha males are oblivious to what it takes to maintain the respect and submission from women.

I indicated a while back in an older post that I once had a conversation with my own father in which he vehemently insisted that I hated women because I stated that that women are herd creatures who tend to follow what’s popular over what is right, and that wives should be submitting to their husbands in everything regardless of whether or not she thinks he is worthy or even if he is saved because that’s what the bible says! Despite the overwhelming proof he just couldn’t accept it! The better solution, for him, was to tell me that I considered women beneath me.

Now, like my pastor, my father is a natural alpha: popular in jr. high and high school, athlete, sports hero (having set several long standing records at his high school), aloof, jerky and troublemaker. The ladies wanted him and the guys wanted to be him.

Then he gave his life to Christ.

By that point, however (or very shortly after), he had married my mom, who had already given birth to me (I was present at the wedding).

Now, because of his natural alpha personality he cannot comprehend what a beta man must do to retain the respect and submission of women – in particular, their wives. A beta male who marries will eventually lose the respect and submission of his wife as she comes to term with his beta-ness. The only remedy is to shed the overwhelming beta attitude and build a mostly alpha attitude. This means we start lifting and taking care of our bodies. We start living with the aloof, sometimes foolish and playful attitude you see the players and “jerks” living with. We start taking control instead of asking for control. These things, which beta males must LEARN are FOREIGN TO THE NATURAL ALPHA.

It’s like a colorblind person who doesn’t realize they are colorblind until something or someone causes them to learn so! TO THEM IT IS NORMAL REALITY – THEIR COLOR BLINDNESS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF THINGS FOR THEM.

This is why Christians who are natural alphas have a hard time processing the reality of women, men and scripture – to them it just doesn’t make sense! They have never had to remind a woman that they are to be submissive because the bible says so, nor have they had to use scripture to correct their wives when they are disrespectful – they naturally receive that respect and submission by virtue of the fact that they are receiving it already. They had their wives respect and submission PRIOR TO THEIR GIVING THEIR LIVES TO CHRIST, JUST BY VIRTU OF BEING THEIR WIVES ALPHA BAD-BOY.

This, to me, is the only reasoning I can see behind the blatant disregard of scripture and logic on the behalf of both my pastor and my father. It’s not willful ignorance, it’s just ignorance.

Unfortunately, however, once they are approached with the truth, ignorance is no longer an excuse, and a choice must be made: fall in line with scripture, or continue in willful disobedience.

For my father, he will have to face judgement for his own willful disobedience.

My pastor will have to face the same, but his judgement will include the teaching of disobedience to his flock.

That’s not a place any pastor should want to be standing.

Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

9 thoughts on “The Obliviousness of the Alpha Pastor”

  1. To ask what may be a silly question and no disrespect intended to your father or others but is it possible that an alpha wants loyalty to them perhaps over God. As in they pick the pecking order in the house not someone else even if that is the lord and thus as the “alpha” they think that obedience should be given to the wife because they have been picked and thus must be worth following. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself properly there so I apologise.
    Also I think the problem with a lot of churches and religions in general is that they are a business now and thus must sell what people want, not what they formed to “sell”. If half your audience is female and a good portion of the other half believe it then that’s what you need to sell. It’s like a feature on a new iphone. Again now sure if I’m making myself clear so I apologise if not.

    1. No silly questions here until you ask one, but yours is not silly.

      I get where you are coming from and I do think this COULD be a problem for alpha pastors. Take a look at Mark Driscoll, former pastor of Mars Hill church. His rants are legendary and I would absolutely say that his goal was not so much to preach the word but to make himself out to be the most alpha in the room (look up the term AMOG’ing). I don’t think this is the case here, as my father really has no audience to try to convince beyond his family, and we already respect his simply by virtue of the fact that he is our father. The pastor doesn’t really have an audience either, as the whole congregation consists of 10-20 people on a good night! I think that he reads books on the subject and thinks “well its working for me, so that must be right”, when in reality its NOT working for him because he isn’t working under the same rules a beta man in his congregation has to work under. Also, I have stated here in the past, the modern church culture elevates women to near god-like status, or, at minimum, to a spiritual and holy status above men, simply for being a woman. That’s a lot of lying going on and, for some, it may be difficult to see through.

  2. Snapper,

    I was like your father, although a sigma, tending to be a loner and challenge boys/men that liked to be the tough guy or “know it all”, and became born again at 29. I could go through a list of accomplishments, but it is beside the point and is boastful. When I became beta after marriage and then again after finding the Lord, I couldn’t figure out what the hell happened. This happened when my wife began refusing my advances. I thought being more and more beta was the answer. I finally gave up and now I am more successful in business than I ever was and do not seek her approval. She likes that I do not care what people think of me and that I have gone back to doing things masculine.

    Think about this… Your kids most likely would love to not go to church and instead stay home. Taking advantage of this, believe me, they will see you in a whole new light. My son looks at me with full respect and has told my wife I am his best friend. My daughter respects me more than ever even though she is being a little rebellious I can tell she is warring inside herself. My wife keeps asking if I want her and my daughter to wear headcovering. I have told her only if she is going to speak during our prayer/teaching and wants to read or explain something to the kids that I may have not made clear.

    I am trying to teach my son humility as he is a natural alpha. My wife is a female alpha, so you can see how I would naturally challenge her loose tongue. She was a CEO at large high rise firm in a major city. She is born again as well, however it has taken up until recently that she has come out of feminism that her mom and older sisters held onto strongly.

    One thing that I explained to my wife is that feminism has done NOTHING but hurt society and I went on to explain women’s suffrage and the difference and even men and women voting today should hold to owning property or at the very least not have any welfare or disability benefits as voters. My reasoning is that if single mothers are on the dole, they are going to vote for more dole etc etc. That hit her like a ton of bricks, along with women emotionally voting and men who get welfare etc. She knows women caused the mafia via prohibition.

    She still fights it a lot, but she knows I could careless about her feeling toward what I know is right or what I know she knows is right. I live in the town that Belgium Brewery was started, which is a good beer (Why would Jesus make wine?). The christians here are 99% californianized christians, and is very outdoorsy. Very difficult to hold fast to His word, but He is faithful.

    Good luck.

    1. Thanks. Your story gives me hope in things ending up for the better one way or another. I have considered that I may need to teach my family from home, though I have much doubt my wife will be on board with any of this. I have a feeling that she already sees me as being “spiritually immature” in comparison to herself and thus we often fight over her disrespect or lack of submission and scripture dealing with the subject.

      I suppose I will need to keep in mind that I cannot directly control her, but can only point her toward truthful scripture and pray the Holy Spirit open her eyes. In the meantime she may just divorce me, we have come close to it before.

      Please pray that God be with all of us, not just me, but that through His grace and the guidance of the Holy Spirit we can ALL come to understand the truth.

  3. Snapper,

    My wife was and at times still is this way. She actually said the holy spirit led here to lead us to two different churches. I asked her if that included being unsubmissive to her husband. The pastor at one of the churches agreed with her. I told him that his agrrement didnt help in that I was going to tithe, but she didnt want to so I will follow her lead there as well. You could hear the gears in his head come to a complete stop.

    We have huge fights at times and I tell her to stop acting sophmoric, which shuts her up and she usually calms down.

    My wife was the same way. I finally told her after the last church debacle I will not go to another church. Before manosphere she wouldnt have believed me. Now she does. Manosphere helped me know that my past instincts were correct and not to ignore the Holy Spirit. Beta does allow you to ignore it. You do have to get past being afraid of losing your kids, money and house. I was for years until I just didnt care anymore and a couple of years later I found manosphere.

  4. Visited your blog after reading your comments over at Dalrock’s.

    Will keep you in prayer. You are a few steps ahead of me:

    – I attend a Baptist church with my wife and we’re in this co-ed small group comprising members who are married couples (or soon-to-be married).
    – It is led by a pastor who, in a nutshell, largely follow complementarian beliefs, contrary to the Bible.
    – We have a men’s-only WhatsApp group where we are encouraged to share what we learnt from the Bible with each other.
    – I shared about the nature of women in the Group. Referencing Genesis 3 and Proverbs.
    – I got a strong reaction in the Group from one other man and the pastor.
    – The week after, I had a heated argument with the pastor about the sin nature of the woman and God’s curse on Eve in Genesis 3 as well as female leadership (he argued that Deborah was a leader of Israel and Phoebe in Romans was a deacon).
    – I lost my respect for him. There were also times when he would AMOG husbands in the group (the wife of a group member asked him a question from the Bible but in his response, he did not lay out a disclaimer that she should really be asking this question to her husband).
    – I have been thinking of leaving the group and the church but for the sake of my wife, I am staying for now.
    – So now, my body may be present in the group but my mind is somewhere else. I don’t intend to participate actively in its activities anymore.

  5. I forgot to mention that our church held a women’s conference which I was reluctant to let my wife go to, but did any way. The pastor that was lecturing was an ex navy seal. My best friend is ex seal as well. Alpha dudes. Anyway. I volunteered to help cook serve and clean. 150 women from 5 churches. He says women do not have to submitt to their husbands involuntarily. Ok, yeah. Thats wahat my wife said he said. So i listen to it online. He did say it! Along with “that would make you subject to him”. Duh!!!! I asked if she or I had to submit to God. Yes. Do we follow his commands? Yes. It states women to submitt to your husbands in everything. Is that a command? Silence, then yes. Oh. Should we do this voluntarily? Yes. If we do not follow Gods commands we are told we are not of Him. If we do it involuntarily while cultivating joy to serve we will eventully do it voluntarily like loving your decrepid neighbor, right?

    So yes, he is right however he corrupted 150 womens minds whether he knew it or not just by adding doubt or confidence in the wives rebellion. She didnt go the 2 nd day.

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