Three weeks ago our associate pastor determined that the women of the church would be given a night to teach the congregation. Initially it worried me, but I thought that, perhaps, he meant for the ladies to share a scripture and a little blurb on how that scripture affected them or was applicable in their own lives. Apparently so did all the ladies, because two weeks after his announcement the ladies were given the pulpit, but the goal of the evening was NOT for them simply to share, but for them to TEACH the congregation, as made plain by the associate pastors words. This very much concerned be because the bible states:
1 Timothy 2:
8 I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; 9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.
The bible indicates that God prohibits women from teaching in the church (and maybe out of the church as well, but that’s another blog post), or from having authority over men.
I instructed my wife not to teach, but to share, then return to her seat, as the bible also states that women speaking in the church is shameful (in what capacity I do not fully yet know, either don’t speak at all in the church or as a teacher, I’m still praying over that one), and I personally did not want my wife shaming herself before God.
What really set off the current chain of events, however, is that afterward our pastor went into a long winded message about men NEEDING to receiving teaching and wisdom from anyone speaking the word of God, without regard to who is actually speaking. Directly he said men need to be open to receiving wisdom and teaching from women and children. His support behind the claim was that God used a donkey to deliver a message, so if He can use a donkey we should be willing to listen to women or children. To further solidify his feelings toward the practice he proceeded to proclaim that men who are not willing to receive the word from women are Pharisees – “white washed tombs full of dead men’s bones”, as well as “spiritually dead inside”.
To add a cherry on the top, he continued into informing the men that “just because you are the head of the house doesn’t mean you have control”, that wives should never be “behind their husbands, but should always be right there beside them” as equals and, the pièce de résistance: that if men cannot except wisdom from women then “don’t be surprised when she surpasses you in spiritual wisdom and knowledge, and don’t be surprised if she stops being submissive to you when she realizes it”.
This message is borderline blasphemy, if it is not, indeed, blasphemous.
The word of God is clear on both points he tried to push home. 1) that women are prohibited from certain activities in the church and 2) that there is a hierarchy within the marriage structure and that wives do not have grounds to subject their husbands to a litmus test to determine if they should be submissive. Now, I am not going to go into all of the details on those points in this post, but I have typed up a number of notes that I will present probably some time next week, along with some information on how the whole event went down, but I do want to address what I think may be part of the reason why our pastor feels this way.
Our pastor is definitely what you would consider an natural alpha male. Before being saved he was a drug abusing, drug selling thug who beat people up and got into trouble with the law repeatedly. He married his wife before they both got saved and she was, reportedly, just as bad as him.
Now I posit that, much like my father, natural alpha males are oblivious to what it takes to maintain the respect and submission from women.
I indicated a while back in an older post that I once had a conversation with my own father in which he vehemently insisted that I hated women because I stated that that women are herd creatures who tend to follow what’s popular over what is right, and that wives should be submitting to their husbands in everything regardless of whether or not she thinks he is worthy or even if he is saved because that’s what the bible says! Despite the overwhelming proof he just couldn’t accept it! The better solution, for him, was to tell me that I considered women beneath me.
Now, like my pastor, my father is a natural alpha: popular in jr. high and high school, athlete, sports hero (having set several long standing records at his high school), aloof, jerky and troublemaker. The ladies wanted him and the guys wanted to be him.
Then he gave his life to Christ.
By that point, however (or very shortly after), he had married my mom, who had already given birth to me (I was present at the wedding).
Now, because of his natural alpha personality he cannot comprehend what a beta man must do to retain the respect and submission of women – in particular, their wives. A beta male who marries will eventually lose the respect and submission of his wife as she comes to term with his beta-ness. The only remedy is to shed the overwhelming beta attitude and build a mostly alpha attitude. This means we start lifting and taking care of our bodies. We start living with the aloof, sometimes foolish and playful attitude you see the players and “jerks” living with. We start taking control instead of asking for control. These things, which beta males must LEARN are FOREIGN TO THE NATURAL ALPHA.
It’s like a colorblind person who doesn’t realize they are colorblind until something or someone causes them to learn so! TO THEM IT IS NORMAL REALITY – THEIR COLOR BLINDNESS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF THINGS FOR THEM.
This is why Christians who are natural alphas have a hard time processing the reality of women, men and scripture – to them it just doesn’t make sense! They have never had to remind a woman that they are to be submissive because the bible says so, nor have they had to use scripture to correct their wives when they are disrespectful – they naturally receive that respect and submission by virtue of the fact that they are receiving it already. They had their wives respect and submission PRIOR TO THEIR GIVING THEIR LIVES TO CHRIST, JUST BY VIRTU OF BEING THEIR WIVES ALPHA BAD-BOY.
This, to me, is the only reasoning I can see behind the blatant disregard of scripture and logic on the behalf of both my pastor and my father. It’s not willful ignorance, it’s just ignorance.
Unfortunately, however, once they are approached with the truth, ignorance is no longer an excuse, and a choice must be made: fall in line with scripture, or continue in willful disobedience.
For my father, he will have to face judgement for his own willful disobedience.
My pastor will have to face the same, but his judgement will include the teaching of disobedience to his flock.
That’s not a place any pastor should want to be standing.