Ran into a post on Reddit in which a poor guy was lamenting his Christian walk mixed with his knowledge of ‘Red pill theology’. It was causing him issue because he now saw marriage, as described in the bible, as a much different game than the one he had been taught in the church he attended growing up. Figuring this out before getting married, he applied this new found knowledge to his life and got himself fit and trim, physically, while avoiding women altogether (also known as ‘monk mode’). His grief came from the fact that now, as a much better looking and fit young man, he was getting attention from women he had never had before, and the desire for sex was becoming unbearable – yet he was remiss to marry because, overall, modern Christian marriages don’t fare much better than non-Christian marriages. It’s still a crap-shoot! Just because a woman says she is a born again believer means next to nothing. She could still end up being as ungodly as any other woman, but you would never know it until it was too late and she is in line to own half your stuff and take your kids away, all while being backed by the church who encouraged you to get married to begin with! I felt bad for the guy, but didn’t want to reply or post anything, as I really don’t care much for the general feel and attitude of the red pill Reddits.
So what does the modern American church do to prepare men for marriage? I mean, the church is a BIG pusher of marriage, though it seems they have joined in the same thinking as feminists and society in general in the idea that people shouldn’t be getting married until they reach their 30’s or so. It almost entirely has to do with the idea that young women are throwing their “true potential” away by marrying young, instead of spending their twenties building a career and “finding themselves” and has almost nothing to do with men. It has been dually noted on many a manosphere blog that asking men to abstain from sex until well into their late 20’s and early 30’s is tantamount to cruelty. Christian men are taught, of course, that sex outside of marriage is wrong and sinful, yet at the same time they are told to wait in hopes that a woman, who’s main pursuit is now NOT marriage, will give herself to him after she is done getting her degrees and “exploring the world”, which typically involves having sex more than a few times before finally settling down with a devout, Christian man.
Unfortunately it seems like the modern American church does nothing but train men to be workhorses in marriage. They are told that they will have all the responsibility of a husband and father, but they are stripped of all the authority necessary to maintain order in their homes. I mean, sure they are still told they need to be disciplining their children (spare the rod, spoil the child, right?), but the authority to administer discipline towards their wives is removed and that can have a profound effect on the attitude of the children. Children learn a lot by watching their parents and if their mother is allowed to run rampant with no regard for authority from her husband the children will learn likewise. If a husband attempts to bring discipline on his wife he is readily castigated by the church, his family, the law and every other entity that can easily be brought down upon him to keep him in line.
Yet, this same husband, were he to attempt to shirk any of his responsibilities as a provider for his family would be just as quickly castigated for being a failure of a man, as he will also be known as if his wife and children start to go astray and rebel (which can happen, but does not always). The American church teaches men and women that every mistake women make are the fault of the men in their lives. Either they are not leading well enough, not loving well enough, not a strong enough Christian, etc., etc.
I feel for this guy, and the advice he was getting varied greatly between “go ahead and start banging chicks” to “you just need to hold on”. The best advice was “start looking for a wife, but be shrewd in your choice.”, which is something that most churches preach, but they do not equip a young man how to be shrewd in his choice of a wife. Most of the time it’s simply “find a godly wife who attends church regularly”, when it should include such nuggets of wisdom as “make sure she is a virgin”, “what is her relationship like with her father, her mother and her family”, “what does she say are her goals in life”. These questions are anathema to modern churches when asked of women.
If your a Christian man looking for a wife I would offer this advice: Find some good manosphere blogs such as Dalrock and read up. Be prepared to have everything you know or have been taught about women, men and the interaction of the two challenged and exposed. As you read, think back on your own previous interactions with women, as well as the interactions of your friends and family. Marvel at the surprising similarities between what you read and what you have seen, then accept what you are reading as a hidden truth. Read further to see how well it integrates with scripture and how men are taught to lead their families and treat their wives. Beware of non-Christian manosphere sites, which contain a lot of wisdom and insight into the human response, but can sometimes contain information not needed by the Christian. Take what is good and throw out the rest. Above all, read your bible and see how the patriarchs of old acted and held themselves. Read about their wives and the women in scripture, and search for a potential wife who exhibits some of the same characteristics.
Godspeed, my friend, you will certainly need it.