If you don’t want to have children, don’t get married.

I know this post is probably going to step on a few toes, but this is a touchy subject I have been giving a lot of thought to lately.

I find myself needing to have a discussion with my daughter about her current state of affairs. She is 19 years old, works a graveyard shift at a local manufacturer here in town and has a boyfriend whom she spends most of her day with (when she is awake). She has maintained, however, that though she would like to get married some day she does not want to have children, instead opting to possibly adopt.

To this I say: No.

Now most women, and even a lot of men, would say I was in the wrong. It’s her life, she should be able to do what she wants and, if the man she wants to marry is fine with it and they want to adopt then I should be willing to accept that. To that I also say: No.

Now, my daughter is a smart cookie, having enjoyed her time in high school going through the engineering program, working with lasers and 3d printers, but outside of high school she has shown no interest in continuing her education, which is fine by me. Personally I think she is a musical and artistic genius. Within days after picking up a guitar I caught her playing and singing beautifully, something I have yet to master after having played for at least five years or more. She does incredible work with a paint brush and has a natural skill in painting that I can only be envious of. I would much rather she work on these skills and get married instead of go to college where she greatly runs the risk of becoming corrupted by the liberal and feminist mindset, even in our small conservative town.

That being said I don’t think marriage is a good fit for her if she continues along the path of “I don’t want to have kids”. First of all a woman’s duty is to have children if she can. God’s very first commandment to the husband/wife duo of Adam and Eve was to “be fruitful and multiply”. This means that He expects men and women to have children! Exactly how many is up to the couple, I suppose, though God sees fit to sneak in His own 2 cents every so often (our youngest is our DAC, Designated Accidental Child), but I think that the financial situation and health of the couple should play a big role in determining if they have one child or ten children, but what do I know, people have been having more kids than they should since the beginning of time and the human race seems to be fine.

There is, however, one VERY BIG reason why I don’t think it would be wise for her to get married unless she changes her mind. Neither young women nor young men seem to think past the next thirty minutes, but this arrangement, married with NO children, costs men much more than they could possibly imagine. To marry a woman and go through life with her and no children ERASES A MANS GENETIC LEGACY FROM THE FACE OF THE PLANET. Talk about extinction – this man, every last trace of him, is gone, forever. His legacy ends COMPLETELY. Yet men are so thirsty to get married and have sex that they will completely ignore this fact and go along with the program. Some time down the line they may come to their senses and decide they DO want a child, a son to carry on their genetic legacy, but now they will need to contend with a wife who may or may not have changed her mind – and God help him if she did not change her mind. That kind of fight is the stuff nightmares are made of, and given the ease at which divorce is available, even for Christian women, a man can expect to be on the losing end no matter what.

I don’t have anything against adoption, but if you are planning on adopting I would recommend, as a man and as a father, that you have at least one son of your own first. The cost is too great in the long run. We hear all the time about animals on the verge of extinction and how awful it is and how we can help preserve them for future generations, and yet this generation will not bat an eye at snuffing out a man’s genetic legacy. If your lucky you will have a son quickly, if not you end up like my aunt and uncle, who had seven, eight or nine girls before their first boy. I am NOT saying that having girls is bad, they are blessed beyond belief by their daughters and the grandkids that have followed, but I speak in terms of genetic legacy.

The bible and many other ancient books place much emphasis on a man’s legacy. Time and time again we see in the scripture the value placed on sons. Not that daughters were of any less value, or any less loved – but a son carries with him the ability to carry on a mans legacy, something that a daughter cannot do, thus they held a special place in that society. The devaluation of masculinity and men has led our society to lose sight of that, or, even worse, to hate it. Feminists, without a doubt, have done plenty to make sure that men fail at continuing their genetic legacies by making it more difficult for women to bear children (by greatly extending the ‘best’ age for having children from early 20’s to 30’s and 40’s, which carry a much greater risk of problems for both mother and child), by pushing the gay agenda which pretty much takes a group of men out of the running altogether, and by abortion, which has ended millions of unborn lives. Why a Christian woman would choose to do this is beyond me.

The upcoming discussion will be a difficult one, and some of you readers out there may not agree with me on this, but the truth is undeniable. The cost is too great to bear and, in todays monogamous society, men have little recourse but to opt out of marrying women who have decided not to have children. In ages past they could have opted to have a second or third wife (which we also see in the bible) that would give them the son they needed, and I suppose you could hire a surrogate, but I see too many issues with this. Firstly there is the cost. At least having a child of ones own does not require a huge up front cost, as insurance will typically foot the bill for the birth. A surrogate would require several thousand dollars of up-front investment which can be difficult for some people to come up with. Secondly there is always the possibility of a surrogate backing out or having some genetic issue themselves that they fail to disclose or maybe don’t even know about. I guess the same goes for a married couple, but in that situation there is a dedication to caring for THEIR child, but I can see a BUYERS REMORSE situation arising if this happens with a surrogate. Call it messed up if you will, but it could happen. Lastly, a mother will have little trouble caring for her own child (in most situations), but I could see it being a much bigger issue for a wife to have to care for another woman’s baby, even if half of its genetics come from her husband. She has NO STAKE in the child. None of her genetic material is there and it could be difficult for her to attach to it. Wives should be having their own babies with their own husbands. Again, this is assuming there are no medical issues or something that PREVENTS a woman from having children – that’s another story altogether, but any man who intentionally marries a woman who refuses to have children is committing self-genocide. Shame on him, and shame on her, both.

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Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

6 thoughts on “If you don’t want to have children, don’t get married.”

  1. this is very interesting … i had not thought of all these things from a man’s perspective before.

    it is interesting to me that your daughter does not want to have children but does want to adopt. my niece, who is 25, is also this way. she is married, and last i heard she and her husband were beginning the adoption process. my oldest, who is 18, also does not want to have children, but she also does not want to get married. i wonder if this is a trend among this age group?

    i would be very interested to hear how your conversation with your daughter goes. do you have a close relationship with her? will her mother negate your advice?

  2. We have a good relationship, but I suspect it will cause some hurt feelings. I also feel the need to talk to her boyfriend and ask him if he really understands what he is giving up if he marries my daughter and she remains of the mind to not have children. Unfortunately he’s quite the beta type guy, having been raised by his mom and a stepdad that apparently doesn’t care for him. I feel like I should be teaching him some stuff, but also feel like its not my place or responsibility.

    My wife will definitely put up some opposition, but that doesn’t matter, I need to do what I need to do. She thinks I read too much and that I see feminism and anti-male sentiment where its not, but she doesn’t know – she’s fairly well protected as far as that goes. It will be a fight, for sure, but in the end I just need to do what I need to do, and if my conversation with my daughter saves her and her future husband from a lot of trouble in the future then good. Either way my job is done.

    1. you are being a wise and good father and potential father-in-law. it is so good that you are willing to speak these things to them. as you know, pray for wisdom … that God would speak through you.

      i think it’s hard when our kids are this age to watch them make choices. there is a time to speak, and then there is a time to be silent. only God can lead us to the right one at the right time.

  3. I’ve been thinking over this for a few days, and I definitely agree with you that it is abnormal for a woman to not want to have children. What I don’t see in the Bible is a command for such a woman not to marry. Not to mention couples that do marry intending to have children but are unable to (one of my friends has been married for 8 years and, after 3 miscarriages, just lost a baby born at 23 weeks). What should a man do then?

    I honestly don’t understand your genetic legacy argument. Which is probably my own misunderstanding. 50% of a son’s genes are those of his father’s. But the exact same is true about a daughter. And if a couple doesn’t or can’t have children, it is not just the man that has become a genetic dead-end, the woman has as well.

    In the Bible, having a son was a big deal because he was the one who would inherit both the father’s wealth as well as the responsibilities that came along with it. A man who had a grown son could know that, should he die, his wife and unmarried daughters would still be cared for. He would also pass on his work to his sons as well. In today’s world where the oldest son neither naturally inherits everything nor is required to support all unmarried/widowed females in the family, and does not just pick up his father’s business when he dies (in most cases), I’m not sure that the cultural implications are at all the same. I completely understand the desire to pass on a last name. And that can only happen with a son, but when you said ‘genetic legacy’, that didn’t seem to be what you were talking about.

    Where did I go wrong here? Cuz I’m quite sure I missed something along the way, and I’m trying to understand your argument. Also, please understand that I am NOT implying that it’s fine for women to not want to have children, or that it’s wrong for a man to want at least one son in the same way that a lot of woman want to have at least one daughter. I guess, this just seems so out of our control because the gender of a baby is not up to us. Definitely not as women who don’t even supply the determining gene, but men who do, don’t have control in what goes down.

    1. Actually, you would be correct in your observation that a daughter would, indeed, pass on a mans genetic legacy. I do most of my posts from my office here at work, and sometimes I do them in a bit of a rush. It appears that I did not think that one all the way through.

      The main crux of my post, however, was more about a woman not wanting to have children AT ALL with her husband, in which case, yes, his genetic legacy would end. This, I believe, is unfair to the husband and, really, to all those before him. If he chooses this path then I think it is an epic failure on his part.

      Also, to quote from the last paragraph: “…this is assuming there are no medical issues or something that PREVENTS a woman from having children – that’s another story altogether…”. A couple who finds they are unable to have children is a different situation and should be dealt with through prayer and, if need be, doctors. That situation is much, much different from one in which the couple agree, beforehand, that they do not want to have children.

      Also, I do understand that the bible does not have specific advice or commandments for women who do not want to have children, but in biblical times being married and not having children was considered a very bad thing. The bible itself has several examples of that. As important as sons were in that time I don’t see a man of that era even considering a woman who did not want children as his wife, nor could I see a wife of that time considering not having children, but I am not a scholar and I doubt they kept such information back then, so for all I know there were tons of women who didn’t want to have kids. Going from the bible, however, I would assume that being married and having children was very important, and being married but not having children was bad enough to cause people to think they were cursed by God.

  4. Your daughter is 19. That is young. When I was 17 I declared I only wanted to adopt. I’ll explain what I was thinking. I saw children who needed love. Desolate children who through no fault of their own had been abused and unloved and I wanted to give them that love. By the time I hit 24 baby fever hit hard and even though I wanted to adopt the urge for a baby right now took over. We are currently pregnant with our third and our talking about foster/ adoption next. In James we are told to care for the orphans. It is an incredible act of selfless love to care for a child that isn’t yours. Consider that your daughter has a good heart. Maybe God is calling her to be an adoptive mother and will give her a husband who also has that calling

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