The Curse of Entitlement

Modern Christian women seem to have an entitlement mentality. They believe their husbands owe them every thing they want either just because they are married or they believe the bible actually says this. Case in point: I still have not been able to convince my wife that “a husband is supposed to give his wife every desire of her heart” is not in the bible. Even after sitting down and thumbing through the indices for the words ‘heart’, ‘desire’, ‘husband’ and ‘wife’, and finding no scripture of the sort, she is still convinced its in there. You might expect an unsaved woman to think this, as they don’t know to center their lives around Christ, but instead center their lives around themselves or other things, but Christian women should know better. They have the word. They know what the scriptures say OR can investigate if they don’t. Why then would a Christian woman think this way?

For the most part I place responsibility on the woman herself. After all, if she is a Christian she should be familiar with what the word says without confusion. The bible says our God is not a God of confusion and it is very clear that we should be content with what we are given. Husbands are Gods direct pipeline to providing for their wives. Everything good thing your husband gives you comes from God above. If you cannot believe that then you ignore scripture:

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Therefore, this being true, how can you complain about what your husband does or does not give you and deny that you are complaining about God?

Secondly I blame the churches themselves, who have elevated wives to near angelic proportions. I never noticed until it was pointed out to me that mothers day services at many churches involve a proclamation of the saints of motherhood! See how they toil, see how the sweat, see how they sacrifice for ‘the most difficult job in the world!’. Tell that to their husbands, who rise every morning at 4 am to get out of the house by 5 to work in the heat of the oil fields, lifting heavy pipes and tools all day while being yelled at by coworker and boss alike. Of course, due to rigorous mental conditioning a husband would probably agree that he ‘has it easy’ because he doesn’t have to struggle with using the laundry machine to wash the clothes, the dishwasher to wash the dishes, the vacuum cleaner to clean up the floors. Fathers day services, however, typically involve reminding husbands of how little they actually contribute to their homes. Why, after ten or twelve hours ‘hanging out with the guys’ at work don’t you come home, tell your wife to sit down on the couch with some wine and cheese, and get to work finishing all the things she didn’t get done today! Wash the dishes, vacuum, DO YOUR FAIR SHARE!

This teaching causes women to feel like they are worth far more than they receive, and causes men to believe they are not giving as much as they could be. It’s a wicked thing to do because, and I have stated this before in another post, it downplays the every day contributions of husbands to mean nothing. They simply don’t count. Every day when a husband goes to work, pays bills and generally provides for his family it’s simply seen as something he is ‘supposed to do’. This thought is correct in that, yes, he is SUPPOSED to provide for his family through hard work and sacrifice, what is NOT CORRECT however is turning all of this into a type of ghost-contribution, that is, to say that the only contribution that really counts for anything is whatever is contributed after the fact.

Lastly I blame men themselves, who have lost control and authority in their homes and have allowed themselves to be duped into believing that their work, both in and out of the home, doesn’t count unless they back it up with carrying their wives workload as well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking the house over and deciding your wife needs a helping hand. I myself wash some dishes when I notice that there is a massive stack in the sink and my wife has already been doing dishes for days. Sure the kids help, but sometimes even they get a break. Or maybe I am just up early in the morning and I don’t feel like looking at a giant stack of dishes for half the day until someone gets around to doing them, so I do them myself. However, I would certainly not allow my wife to command me to do dishes, or to guilt me into doing dishes. I don’t mind if she asks if I could do something around the house. If I am not involved in something else that’s too important I don’t mind helping her out, but one thing I do not allow is for her to TELL me to do something. A lot of men would never even consider telling their wives ‘no’ if she barked out some command to get some task done.

All of these elements, combined, lead to an entitlement mentality in women that is certainly difficult to hide. My own wife has a favorite phrase she likes to say that goes a little something like this:

“I need that, you should buy it for me.”

I can tell you now that, to me, that phrase is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I can’t stand it. It reeks of entitlement. Do for me just because! Most of the time it is nothing she needs at all, but rather something she would like to have. I want to say I have asked her in the past  to stop saying this phrase, but I don’t remember. Even at this stage in my life I still find myself weighing my options between say something and start the fight, or brush it off and keep having a good day.

There was a time, not too long ago, where she offered to ‘do whatever it takes to earn x, y and z.’, but she has since reneged on her offer. This tells me that she, and other women, know and understand the concept of ‘earning’ affections from their husbands. If they can get away with demanding, however, they would rather do that. Its easier. It takes less effort. To earn something you have to DO something. It means someone has an expectation of you. Dress nicer, act nicer, act sexier, stop talking back, listen to what your told. Being demanding just requires you to raise your voice when you need. It requires you to get out of ‘mommy mode’ and get into ‘girlfriend mode’, and, lets face it, many women drop girlfriend mode shortly after they have children (and sometimes before).

“But, Snapper!”, you say, “Aren’t husbands supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church? Doesn’t He give them EVERYTHING they want? I mean, His love is full of grace! He asks for nothing in return!”

You are absolutely right! God’s give of FREEDOM and REDEMPTION is absolutely free! It has to be, we could never pay the price required to free ourselves from the penalty of sin! His blessings, however, are not always free. Lets look at the very first book of the bible:

Genesis 2:
15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

Here we see that, right up front, God required something from Adam for His blessings: obedience. If Adam remained obedient and avoided the tree God had pointed out to him, he would remain in the garden and enjoy it’s fruits. We all know how that turned out.

Lets look further:

Genesis 4:
So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

Here we see God tells Cain that if he does well, he will be accepted. There is a requirement to ‘do well’.

The bible is full of scriptures that promise blessings with obedience to Gods word. It would be foolish to say that God never requires something from us before we receive blessings! That is not to say that God doesn’t give us blessings we do not deserve, which He very much does! But can you imaging kneeling in prayer and telling the Lord of all creation: “I need this, give it to me!”. What foolishness! Even more so from one who is not obedient!

This post has gone on far too long, so I will cut it short here. Ladies, do yourselves and your husbands a favor. Look inward and pray. Do you have an entitlement mentality? Do you think that doing things to earn affections from your husband is beneath you? Or that he should just do everything because your his wife and you shouldn’t  have to earn anything? Do you make HIM work to earn YOUR affections? A little cold shoulder if you haven’t gone out on a date in a while? A little bad attitude if he didn’t put enough effort into valentines day for your liking?

Look around your home? Does your husband go to work every day to ensure you have the shelter that keeps you cool in the summer and warm in the winter? Does he ensure you have gas for the car you drive and food in your refrigerator? Do you show him appreciation and reverence for his sacrifice? Do you realize that he sacrifices his body for you and your children EVERY DAY? We tend to think that, when we say Christ sacrificed his body and that husbands should emulate Christ, that it means he should dive in front of a speeding bullet, or shove his family out of the way of an oncoming train – and it does at the most extreme end of the spectrum. But when your husband starts to have knee problems at 35 years old, when his hearing is gone by 40, when his hands and feet ache from years of swinging a hammer, do you think this is just ‘old age’? This man has used his body up for you because he loves you. Likely his body started experiencing these problems years before he said anything to you, and likely they are worse than he is letting on, but he will continue anyway, because it’s his responsibility as a man, and as a husband. Oh, and he loves you so much, he is willing to destroy his body for you.


Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

3 thoughts on “The Curse of Entitlement”

  1. i shared this with my husband and asked him how i’m doing. he said he’d give me and 8/10. i asked him what it would take to get a 10, and he told me. he was nice about it. he was spot on … i’ve been griping about some things that i need to shut up about. so, i’m gonna shut up on those things.

    1. Ha ha, that’s so cool, I cant even find the words. Sounds like you two have a great relationship! If more women were concerned about trying to score a 10/10 it would make a huge world of difference!

      Of course, husbands should always be truthful, but loving in their assessments. Hope you two have a blessed and awesome week!

      1. 🙂

        we do … and i’m a pretty blunt in person. like, very. and i do not want to be ‘bad,’ so i’m willing to ask him straight up questions like this.

        but … here’s the deal. we are really just normal people. nothin special. but we choose to accept each other for who we are, and let me tell ya, that’s huge. i choose to focus on what is good. i choose to remain under his authority. i choose to love him in the ways the he likes to be loved and to do things for him that he likes for me to do.

        when i catch myself comparing him to other men, i have to choose to stop and back myself up and refocus.

        i think i’m very needy. i check on this with him often, and he continues to say i’m not a burden to him at all. i feel like i’m a huge weight; he says he doesn’t feel that way at all. i need a lot of affirmation; he is not burdened by that. i can get very moody; he pretty much just ignores it.

        there are definite things we do not like about each other. the things that aren’t going to change, we choose to accept.

        and we choose not to hold things against each other.

        it’s not always easy, but that’s okay. because, at the end of the day, he comes home to me. we’re sleeping in the same bed. and 97 times out of 100, we don’t go to bed angry. and that’s really, really good.

        if i were to have asked my first husband the same question, i wouldn’t have even rated on the scale … or he would have lied. or it would have changed through out the day. i could not please him. if i said something he didn’t like, i’d not say it the next time. but the next time he’d get mad b/c i didn’t say it. i’m not a big spender, and i hate shopping. but if i spent too much money, he’d really get on me … but he never told me how much i could spend. he never gave me a budget. he never once said you have “x” dollars. he’d just always say i spent too much. and i’m talking groceries … basic clothes … basic shoes … you know, kids outgrow stuff. i still have clothes i wore ten years ago. i didn’t grow up with much, and i’ve never required much. but it didn’t matter with him. i.was.always.wrong.

        i wonder sometimes if we have a better marriage b/c we’re both so willing to work at it, or if it’s b/c we’ve both experienced such bad ones previously that we’re just so freakin grateful.

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