I think your lines are crossed….

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Over the weekend my wife and I were out of town visiting the coast. It was a nice day, despite the fact that there was little to no sun, but something happened that nearly ruined the day, at least for me.

One of our favorite places to visit is the Ventura harbor and, this particular past weekend they were having ‘Mermaid days’, which we missed, as it was on Sunday and our visit was on Saturday. Despite having arrived the day before it seemed that a few people were already getting into the spirit of things, as there was a lovely young lady sitting in the courtyard of the harbor dressed in full Ariel costume (as in, The Little Mermaid). This included a hairpiece of very bright, very red, very wonderful hair.

Now, anyone who knows me well knows I have a thing for red hair. It just ‘does it’ for me. It’s like icing on a cake, it just makes things, well, better – for the most part. The few red headed ladies we know are not very ladylike or very appealing to the eye, so there are a few caveats. I don’t just start drooling over every red headed girl I see. My wife, however, does not like being a redhead. In fact, in our twenty years of marriage I can think of only one time that she voluntarily dyed her hair red, and even then it was the shortest lasting most wash-outable dye she could buy. All that, despite the fact that it makes her look divine.

That being said, whilst watching the Ariel look alike take pictures with a baby who’s parents handed it over, some remarks were made between my wife and I about her refusal to go red, my adoration of red hair and how I think she could pull it off when this little conversation took place:

Her: “Knowing the people we know who are redheads and how they act and look, why would you want me to do that?”

Me: “Well just because they are like that doesn’t mean you have to be. Besides, I like it.”

Her: “So that’s what it comes down to, huh? Your selfishness?”

My selfishness? MY Selfishness? This after 1)giving up my plans for the day because she wanted to go to the coast (I had planned on another weapon build), 2)buying her breakfast, 3)buying her travelling snacks, 4)attempting to buy her a nice dress at some of the harbor shops (of which we found none that she would wear).

Ladies, don’t treat your husbands this way. Yes, he married you partially for your looks, and he no doubt likes the way you look, but most men have a ‘thing’ that drives them wild, be it hair color, a piece of clothing or even something like an accent. Husbands do a lot that I think wives take for granted. Now before you turn things around and bring up how much wives do that husbands take for granted I challenge you to ask around about who does what. Often times I have heard both men and women treat a mans provision of food, shelter and clothing as ‘his job’. It’s what men are ‘supposed to do’. And rightly so! Unfortunately, though, people seem to go out of their way to keep those from being celebrated as any type of achievement. As if it doesn’t matter that you sacrifice your time, your body and your mind to provide for your family. Women, on the other hand, are celebrated for EVERYTHING. For being mothers, for washing dishes, for doing laundry – the hardest job in the world! Not only are the celebrated, but their husbands are expected to serve additional recognition on mothers day, anniversaries, valentines day, arbor day, the list goes on.

I think my wife had it backwards. Truth be told, I think it took more selfishness for her to shut me down than it took for me to ask her to change her hair color. I could have bit into her about it, but I didn’t feel like spending the rest of the day with a sulking, brooding wife.

Consider your husbands wants, even some of the outlandish ones. After all, when his knees start to ache, his eyes grow dim and his heart starts to slow it’s likely in part from years of serving his families needs by working eight to twelve hours a day in a mind numbing, body destroying job. The least you could do is dye your hair.

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Author: SnapperTrx

Just a guy on the internet.

2 thoughts on “I think your lines are crossed….”

  1. i agree with you here.

    i have a daughter with bright, red hair. she is stunningly beautiful. it’s a recessive gene, so it must come from both sides. my grandmother, her great-grandmother, had the same color hair. and we’re told that on her dad’s side her great-great grandmother had red hair.

    here are some thoughts on red heads:

    my grandmother hated, HATED, despised, her red hair. idk all of her story, but i think there was some abuse back there. she was a tiny thing, very stylish, but she hated her hair. she was still alive when my daughter was born, but no one dared tell her my baby had red hair … she was terrified of passing that trait on. she died before she ever found out.

    from the time my daughter was born we have lifted up her red hair and made it a positive for her. also, from the time she was born, there has been hardly anywhere we could go that at least one someone would make a comment about her hair. a little story … when she was still in a stroller we were in a department store. a lady began to compliment her, and she answered before the woman finished speaking, “Thank you. From my great grandmother on one side and my great-great grandmother on the other.” even that little, she had the answers down pat to the repetitive statement/question: “Wow! You have such beautiful hair! I love it! Where did you get it from?!”

    i share that to say this … it takes a level of confidence for a woman to have something unique, especially if it’s not something she’s used to, because it makes her stand out. her anonymity is gone. her comfort zone is gone.

    my daughter got her red hair from one of my grandmothers, but from my other grandmother, she got height. so not only does she have brilliant red hair, she is also tall. it is almost impossible for her to fade into any group. being confident enough to handle this has been a life-long teaching, not only from myself, but also her dad when he was alive, and also from siblings, close friends, etc.

    in my personality, i am an introvert. i have had hair styles that took more courage to wear than others over my life time. my daughter is more of an extroverted-introvert. and she’s had red hair all her life. and her appearance has been valued, not demeaned. yet, every once in awhile, she will say that she wishes she could be more anonymous.

    in my marriage, my husband loves long hair and hates short hair, so i will always have long hair. there are other things he loves, too, and to the extent i am able, i accommodate him. there are some things i simply cannot do in public without having a total panic attack – which he knows and completely understands, but i am willing to do in private, which he appreciates and values.

    you are right that men each have their own ‘thing,’ or two. so do women … so when this comes up with women i make sure they know that in the same way they want to admire certain ‘things’ in their husbands, so do their husbands want to admire certain ‘things’ in their wives … and that it not only okay, that is good. sadly, this is not generally taught to women. i was certainly not taught anything positive about biblical role models in the home i grew up in … or any of the churches i have ever attended.

    just a thought … and am not trying to usurp any authority, so if i am, just let me know or delete it … but would she wear a good-quality red-hair wig in the privacy of your home for you? i don’t need the answer.

    1. Ha ha! Maybe after a generous helping of alchohol!

      Understand that it’s not so much that she won’t do it – she hasn’t but once in twenty years. It’s more about her attitude and perception of things. In her mind me asking her to do something she doesn’t really want to do because ‘I like it’ is selfishness on my part, my provision of a home, food, clothing, transportation and leisure doesn’t seem to factor in. And yet what I often hear from her while on trips like this is “I need that!”, “I want that!”, “You should buy me one of those!”, it’s not unlike shopping with a child at times. These statements, however, are stricken from her mind as though they were never there. It’s disheartening, to say the least.

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